opting in or out of large groups

[pillowcase]

Not sure if this really should go into relationships, but couldn't see where else to put it.

I'm a very shy person but I've forced myself my whole life to join in and try to overcome my dislike of being in large groups. I've always had several close friends and am great on a one-to-one basis, but as soon as I'm in a larger group I just shut up and listen. People like me! On sports teams, in an orchestra, I participate, I laugh at the jokes but I don't talk.

Recently I realised that I just don't like these situations and shouldn't have to force myself anymore. I like my own company. I've decided to opt out of a couple of things where I'm just not comfortable.

So, having finally decided this, I find an essay from my 12 yo in her room (she loves writing and this was in the form of a screenplay with her as one character) where the other characters all talk about how quiet, reserved she is and how she doesn't participate in things.

So now I'm afraid if I retreat further, she will too. Any advice. I can see that all my active participation hasn't made her outgoing anyway. How can I encourage her,, or should I bother? should I just let her decide to be an introvert from an early age?

thanks for any comments

"what do you think when a member of your schoolclass/orchestra/sports team doesn't chat?"

I'm actually part of a musical group and there are a couple of people who don't talk much and sit quietly. I tend to think they're either shy or concentrating on the musical director. I also wonder if they feel excluded or intimidated, especially if they're new, and will try to draw them into the conversation. But if they don't want to chat and seem happy enough I'll leave them alone.

pillowcase It can be so frustrating and downright annoying when people assume things about you - wrongly - just because of the way you appear. That's a nice comment though (appearing to be in good humour). People often say that I look cross or very serious as, unfortunately, I was blessed with a rather plain and serious face in repose. I have even been 'accused' of being a policewoman/detective because I have a very upright posture (the result of a strict Catholic upbringing and a leaning towards gymnastics/ballet when young). I overcompensate for this by smiling too much and trying to make my face appear less harsh, hence the bimbo accusations. I feel that I can't win whatever I do. Thankfully, I have a couple of friends (lie a long way away) who are introverts, as is my sister so I'm not entirely adrift in a sea of chatter boxes. I do despair sometimes though of ever meeting anyone locally that I have anything in common with. My heart sinks when people talk about the usual soaps, clothes, hair, he said/she said conversations. The problem with introverts though is that we don't go out and mix and therefore can't find each other. Frustrating! We need a simple sign to indentify each other, like carrying a copy of the introvert manifesto or wearing a purple armband... or maybe not!

ha ha introvert manifesto

cogito,
it's good that you try to include people. Sometimes it can be tiresome looking like the big swot listening and concentrating all the time!

frosty, It's good when you have a few good people you get on very well with. For me, having that, and not caring about what people think when I'm in a large grp is what matters. I have to either stop going to things or stop caring.

Hi GettingStrong,
Yes I would do the same except I need the coffee!

I know a lot of people comment on my dc about them being shy particularly dd2 who people feel the need to comment on. In herself though she's confident enough. I think the key is feeling confident as an introvert, happy to say 'i'm an iv and i'm proud'!