Which type of relationship do you prefer?

[ticklycough]

This is a hypothetical question, I wondered if any other mumsnetters out there had any thoughts on this subject. My question is, would you rather be with someone who is completely into you and you you can trust BUT you can get bored with. Or do you prefer being with someone who keeps you on your toes, who you want to keep happy and please? I once heard someone say that in relationships there is always a lover and a loved one...which would you rather be?

Why would I want to be with someone who keeps me on my toes? That doesn't sound like an equal relationship

God, the former every time.

I'd rather be the loved one too if I'm honest. When I think about other peoples relationships, the successful ones do seem to be when the guy is completely in love with the woman and not vice versa.

Neither. I want a relationship with someone I respect as an equal, and I couldn't do that with either scenario.

I love my dh. I think he's funny, interesting and fun. I think our life together is fun. I trust him completely and I don't feel bored.

Nor do I feel 'kept on my toes'. I'm taking that to mean that you never know where things are going and you find the man/relationship challenging.

I wouldn't like to feel kept on my toes as I'd never feel settled. I've been in that relationship, I was miserable.

I also wouldn't like to feel bored.

I don't think it has to be one or the other. I think if you do get one of those type of relationships, you're probably mismatched.

Who said it's either one or the other?

People love in different ways and relationships are a bit like the tide, they ebb and flow.

"I once heard someone say that in relationships there is always a lover and a loved one"

Sounds like a pile of old crap to me. Wouldn't catch me in any relationship where I was expected to 'keep someone happy'... mug's game

To clarify I wouldn't want either! And I don't believe that loved or lover thing.

The two concepts do sound so dysfunctional, the 'lover' is codependent and the 'loved' a narcissist in my mind.

What everyone else says. I love being in a relationship of mutual respect and deep trust. He never fails to surprise me with either his wise words of encouragement / advice / support or by the big things (surprise trips away), to small things (buying me haribo and sorting them into piles, or taking the side of the bed away from the door). I don't need a bad boy, don't need big gestures. We just need to know that we don't take one another for granted and are always open and transparent when it comes to our feelings.

I once heard that there is always one person in a relationship that loves more than the other. I believe the intensity fluctuates but it's even Stevens. When I feel wobbly, i tell him and likewise. It's a partnership; we're equal.

I think there's an element of that, but there has to be a balance somewhere, otherwise, as people said, it can lead to lots of dysfunctionality.

You can see in some couples who is the one more smitten with the other one, but it comes a point where compromise, understanding and working as a team is very important, so there has to be a lot of respect and trust. So if a woman being madly in love with her husband means that he loses respect for her, it will never work. And the other way round, too.

I've had it both those ways, both are awful and I would think unhealthy/destined to fail (they were for me anyway). Now for the first time I have an equal one. Hope it stays that way, I think these things can fluctuate over time.

I think it does have to be a partnership, give and take and also a fair helping of mutual respect help to make a strong bond. I have an ex who loved me completely but didn't show me much respect..the relationship was doomed. I guess in an ideal world the amount of love on both sides would be equal, however it doesn't always work like that..hence my asking the question :-)

My relationship with DP is the former...but still plenty fun & exciting.

Would rather be eternally single than muck around with the second kind thank you very much

I want to be in the kind where we are both deeply and happily and easily in love.

No drama, few rows, nobody on their toes.