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Original poster

Businesslike language spouted by exes

48 replies

themidwife · 12/06/2013 07:39

Have noticed that exes & especially stbxhs seem to relish the overuse of ridiculous "businesslike" language in written communications (see now I'm doing it too!) Phrases like "aforementioned", "consolidation", without prejudice", "I am satisfied that", "With reference to" blah blah blah!

Any classics of this nature to share?

OP posts:

MusicForTheMasses · 12/06/2013 07:47

I had one yesterday! As per the script STBXH has suggested we get back together (when hell freezes over). Not due to love but to consolidate and be able to keep the FMH. Who couldn't resist an offer like that? Me!

MusicForTheMasses · 12/06/2013 07:49

I get lots of emails that make me feel like I'm a supplier rather than the mother of his kids!

FennCara · 12/06/2013 07:52

"I request that the children, whom have hitherto resided in the abode of FennCara, are granted access to I, their father, on a fifty percent chronological basis, beginning on the primary Saturday of May."

I corrected it and sent it back.

Original poster

themidwife · 12/06/2013 08:03

Ha ha ha ha!

"I think you'll find that DD has always been (& is currently) satisfied with the contact arrangements as specified in the contact order issued by judge whoever on whatever date at whatever court" Snore!!

OP posts:

Original poster

themidwife · 12/06/2013 08:10

This is 9 years after split when DD asks to see Daddy more often!

OP posts:

AmberLeaf · 12/06/2013 08:11

They usually do this after getting some 'advice' from someone with an internet degree in 'Fathers rights'

Long time ago now, but mine started with...'I'm exercising MY right to.....' followed by lots of 'big words' used in the wrong context.

Probably impressed his new girlfriend.

blueballoon79 · 12/06/2013 08:18

" I will not be taking (DD) every Friday night as you asked of me but will collect her every other weekend as I consider that to be fair and reasonable"

He ended up not having her overnights at all as he spat the dummy and claimed it wasn't fair that he'd have to take care of his own child for one night a week as he needs his time off.

He's had the past four years off- what more does he want?

Bogeyface · 12/06/2013 08:18

Why are the ones who are least able to construct a sentence, the ones who are most likely to send "Hitherto whom" letters?! :o

onefewernow · 12/06/2013 09:08

This language is one counsellors recognise. At couple counselling it is something which presents regularly in problematic relationships between middle class couples. H was a lock in for it

teaandthorazine · 12/06/2013 09:13

Oh yes, xh often talks about 'managing ds's expectations', as if ds was an irritating corporate client rather than a 9-year-old who'd just like his dad to keep his promises...

MrsSpagBol · 12/06/2013 09:31

"They usually do this after getting some 'advice' from someone with an internet degree in 'Fathers rights'"

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/06/2013 09:33

It's an attempt at 'legalese...' isn't it? Contrived, over-formal and mostly pompous wording designed to intimidate and create distance at the same time. 'The party of the first part hitherto known as 'the child'... ' and all that.

WhiteBirdBlueSky · 12/06/2013 10:21

"Should you reconsider your stance..."

Erm, no. I won't be changing my mind, thanks!

Original poster

themidwife · 12/06/2013 16:59

Honestly - it's another script!!!

OP posts:

pinkballetflats · 12/06/2013 18:17

I have spoken with the CSA and the British courts and they have informed me that all I need is your written permission to take DC out of the country. Pertaining to a child maintenance.....blah blah blah.....

superbagpuss · 12/06/2013 18:20

as an aside, when me and now dh were getting together I had done something to upset him. many years later we can laugh over a letter I had sent apologising and saying we could have a good joint venture together

in my defense I was doing my degree in accounting at the time

Bonsoir · 12/06/2013 18:23

I think it's quite hard to move from an intimate relationship/casualspeak to a distanced joint parenting relationship.

Original poster

themidwife · 12/06/2013 18:32

Yes but any need for heretofore & aforementioned & with due consideration?!

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 12/06/2013 18:36

No of course not, but it's just trial and error and trying to look as if they know what they are doing!

KittyVonCatsworth · 12/06/2013 19:02

I have actually done this when breaking out of an abusive situation (not obviously the case in this instance). It was a control thing for me. I am always in control at work, have a cool head and can make decisions. When I was put in a situation of being controlled, I'd use 'businesslike terminology' purely to regain control and get in the right mindset.

bluebell8782 · 12/06/2013 21:12

I know what you mean..I was laughing to myself the other day about this exact thing.

My DSD's mum is always sending messages like that.. 'I shall inform DD that you shall be collecting her at so and so time and will be returning her blah blah blah..' So very formal..but I do agree it's a form of looking in control.. although as soon as she's pissed off about something that goes out the window and anthing goes!

getlucky · 12/06/2013 21:27

The thread title made me smile! Are these men aware they do this? Honestly it is laugh out loud funny. My ex does exactly the same and even starts his emails with: 'For the attention of .....' as if he has never met me in his life, let alone been married to, shared a bed with, had children with.

getlucky · 12/06/2013 21:28

I bet women never do this.

Dahlen · 12/06/2013 21:29

Oh dear. I wrote a letter to the X just like that when I suspended contact after he physically assaulted our son.

In my defence I did rewrite it in normal English once I realised it made me sound like a pompous twat.

I think in my case it was simply because if it sounded more serious, maybe it would be taken more seriously. And yes, I'll admit to wanting it to sound as though I'd had legal advice because that might scare him. In the end, however, I realised that none of that mattered. He assaulted our son - that's all the weightiness I needed and pointing that out could be done in simple, straightforward language.

I guess I'm confirming the fact that people who send these types of letters are doing it to intimidate.

Bogeyface · 12/06/2013 22:00

I have to agree with the person above who said that sometimes it can be difficult because the language you use indicates the type of relationship. So when a relationship is over, there is usually a change in language and that can sometimes go too far and end in pompous twat territory. I know I was guilty of that when ex and I split up, as I was keen to be common sense and business like in order to appear sensible. It took a while for us to come to a way of communicating that didnt make one or the other of us appear an arsehole, or put the others back up!

That said, some of these "Hitherto whom" letters are purely twattish people trying to control an ex by suggesting that they are cleverer or better informed than the ex.

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