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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm a fool for love (lust?) - when will I ever learn...

4 replies

fooledagaincantbelieveit · 11/06/2013 20:54

So: I posted on here a while ago asking why men are so predictable and crap, recounting tale of how I'd hooked up with an ex from 20 years ago after the spectacular implosion of a 17 year relationship (married for 11 of them - involving DH being arrested and charged with acessing indecent images... You get the picture). I was weak and vulnerable.

This ex (who lives abroad, and with whom I'd had no contact for 18 years) got in touch last summer and to cut a long story short, we chatted on Skype for 4 months, he came over here and we had an AMAZING weekend together. Then he disappeared. Then reappeared. then disappeared. Then reappeared. And kept spinning the yarn about how much I meant to him, and how he wished we were in the same country. When he was good he was very very good, but then when he deceided to go AWOL, I was left feeling anxious, sick and worthless (again).

The signs were not good. But I'm a fool for any attention at the moment. He asked me to go over to visit in the summer. I booked my ticket on Monday 27/5, to go and visit in Aug. Then on Sunday he told me he had deceided to get back with an ex 'because she is here and I want a chance to build a future here'. Fair enough, but how could he do that, knowing everything about what I'd been through???? And knowing how I felt? And how excited I was about visiting him?

The depths men sink to never ceases to astound me. And I know compared to others on here it's not so bad. But my exH is a convicted paedophile and i've just been dumped for the second time by the same person. AAARRRGGHHHH!

Not expecting any answers, just needed to get this off my chest and say 'Man Diet anyone'??? Love to all fellow MNs xxxx

OP posts:
EllaFitzgerald · 11/06/2013 21:22

A shitty situation to be in.

Do you think you're ready to be with someone yet? Perhaps spending some time on yourself would help make you stronger and not such easy prey to men that aren't serious about you, as well as helping you make yourself happy.

ThingummyBob · 11/06/2013 21:25

No advice really sorry, but just wanted to say you are not alone.

I'm feeling a bit let down and over it all myself too tbh

Similar situation to yours, but luckily for me, less time invested.

Just to say its not you, its him/them trust me. I decided months ago to just not bother, and I am genuinely happy in my life and don't feel I need a bf/partner/bunk-up, but sometimes it would be nice wouldn't it?

Drink Wine and more Wine until the shit feelings pass Smile

fooledagaincantbelieveit · 11/06/2013 21:29

Yes it definitely would ThungummyBob and that's where my problem is I reckon! I just hate being on my own (I have got two gorgeous children, but it's not the same when they go to bed and you're all alone...)

Am off for counselling tomorrow at a Woman's charity that deals with control/abuse issues. Am really going to try and learn to accept and maybe even enjoy being on my own.

Thanks for the replies ladies Wine

OP posts:
magic5 · 15/06/2013 22:37

Your not the only one.Ive been fooled for twelve years.Really loved this man we have twins of eleven..We weren't living together but was meeting up on a reg basis.Him seeing the twins.Then last year in july decided to say he was living with a woman that he told me he had parted before us.Omg i felt like id been punched in the stomach.I sorted maintance out via csa.It turns out he keeps lying to his parents denying the twins are his.Had numerous rows with his adult son saying he couldnt see the twins.Then he followed me to another to another town whilst we were shopping and waited outside the shop.I did almost bump straight into him but looked at him and walked away {which he admitted had done recently.} Then back in march decides he wants to wants us to get on and try to reach an agreement for the twins between us after messing the csa around for eight odd months. {he owns his own company}.We been getting on fine,getting close again he been paying in cash and also paying the csa and then last friday sent me an off text to which i went to find him to see what was the problem..He wouldnt come and speak about it.Monday he wanted to meet up so i did,he gave me csh for the twins then started shouting..That he didnt want to hurt me or his girlfriend that he was having a breakdown etc.I got in my car said whats the point in it all we been getting on fine this is out the blue.Throw the money at him then he was pleading for me to come bk the next eve over and over again.I did meet him again and he was shouting again saying he never wants to see me or the twins again.They not his children even if it was proved they were.Never contact him etc.His gf has left him and changed her number and wont talk to him.He doesnt love me etc..I love this man for god knows why but cant help it have done since we met.
So yeah im really good at picking lying,cheating losers and my poor kids i cant even tell them what his been like.Our daughter just said i havent got anything for dad and its fathers day tomorrow.

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