I'm having a bit of a wobble today. Am happily married; DH is a lovely kind man who has supported me through lots, loves to treat me and indulge my whims, loves me and DS, provides for us without being all 'I'm the breadwinner!', is sensible with money and plans for all eventualities. It sounds like a stealth boast, but he really is a genuinely wonderful person. He's a better person than me I think (though he wouldn't agree).
Anyway, the backstory is that we have a DS who is 18m. He's lovely, was actually quite an 'easy' baby and though he is a bit of a handful as a toddler, I think all toddler are to some extent. Even though he was an easy baby, I think we both found the transition to parenthood really really hard. DH is very much a co-parent, down to sharing night time waking and lie-ins equally, he does the lion's share of the grunt work (nappies etc) at the weekends (I work P/T, he works F/T normal hours) and has done his bath and put DS down to bed every night since he was about 5 months old, excepting the few nights here and there where he's out or away. He's not one for going out at nights much, and we both do about the same amount of drinking/going out socially. He does work away occasionally. I'm just trying to say that he's as much a parent as me, and though I spend more time with DS, when he is here he is here, not just a 'fun dad'. DH did not especially enjoy having a baby; he found it really really hard not knowing what to do half the time, still struggles with the lack of sleep and the limitations that having a child puts on your life and felt that he didn't really get anything out of having a tiny baby except worrying constantly that the baby was OK. He enjoys it much more now DS is older and says he likes it more and more each day as DS learns new things and is more fun to be around. He has always loved him, but now he 'likes' him more? Does that make sense? I get what he means because babies aren't the most interesting of creatures to me either, but toddlers are actually really fun 98% of the time.
ANYWAY, I'm getting to my point. Before having DS, DH was ambivalent about having children. He said he was happy either way, but if I wanted one, he would have one. He's happy we have DS, though gets little pangs of wistfulness for how easy our life was before. But the catch is that we always agreed on just having one. I was dead set on just having one, DH only wanted one. We can have a much nicer quality of life with just one (think not having as nice holidays and generally not stressing about money rather than 'can we afford the heating if we have another?'). Except over the past couple of months I have started to feel more and more like I want to have another child. I could happily skip over the first 9 months, but I would just love to have another, to see DS with a sibling, and because I just don't feel like our family is finished.
I tried to broach it with DH recently. I think it must have come as a big shock because I had always been vocal about only wanting one, being happy it was just the three of us etc. He just shut the conversation down straight away. He doesn't want another, we aren't having another. I know all the practical points, why it would be easier if we didn't. But still... I want another. And now I don't know what to do. I don't want to push him and pressure him into it because a) it's just not fair and b) I know he would give in eventually because he genuinely wants to make me happy, and then every time he got stressed about the baby or tired I would know that it was my fault. Part of me thinks I should just leave it alone and bring it up in a few years (I'm not 30 yet so we have some time), but that's just like hoping he will change his mind and if he doesn't I might resent him for something that isn't his fault? Do I just need to be happy with what I have and accept that just because I want something, doesn't mean that I should have it. Most of my friends who are now on No2 just said that their partners weren't that involved in the grunt work of childrearing so were more open to having more, or were involved but had always wanted more.
I don't really know what I want/need people to say to this. I just needed to get it all out really.
Disclaimer - I know a couple of MNetters as friends IRL and have a family member on here. I obviously don't mind them knowing, but please don't take it over to FB.
Massive 
if you made it through this epic self indulgent post.