Introducing the OW? (long)

[LegoLegoEverywhere]

The background is that ExH left me and my DSs a few months ago. Our original split was over a year ago when I caught him cheating but he refused to budge. He met his current ow last autumn (when still living with me) and started an EA which became physical once he left the family home.

The ow is married. She lives abroad with her h and kids. Her h got wind of the EA with my h and started divorce proceedings.

So they don't actually see each other very often yet they think that they're soulmates blah blah blah. My exH wants my DSs to meet her when she's next over. He's already started contact by encouraging my DSs so send her text messages.

I'm uncomfortable with them meeting her. I'm uncomfortable because I don't see her as a permanent feature in exhs life (he thinks she is as they text each other a gazillion times a day) but she lives abroad and while she wants to come live with him its unlikely she'll be able to bring her kids.

I'm also uncomfortable because she's the ow. While she wasn't the OWomen that caused the original split her EA with my h did have a huge impact at home. Exh has asked the DSs (6+5) whether they'd like her for their "new mum". (Took a while to reassure the DSs after that stupid conversation).

Sooo, would it be best to let her meet my DSs given that h expects her to be part of his life? Or should I say no until she's permanently over here? I want what's best for my DSs and I'm not sure if my resentment about being betrayed is clouding my judgement.

Whose children are the DSs, OP? Sorry if it's a daft question but I was wondering from the point of view of custody.

Your feelings are totally understandable; feels like too much, too soon, I'm sure.

I sympathise, and agree with your pov.

But unfortunately, you cannot stop him introducing them to whoever he wants when he has them, unfair and difficult though that may be.

I think he was utterly wrongto use the term "new mum". You can't undo what has already been said, but is there any chance he can be persuaded to bill her as 'Daddy's new friend' at least until co-habitation is on the cards?

I agree with the two above posters...

Your feelings are totally understandable and it appears it would be best if your EX did not introduce the boys to his new woman this soon.

However, how can you actually stop him? Well, you pretty much can't. He has as much right as their father to decide on the suitability of people he wants to introduce them to as you do. Do you think telling him you've decided he can't do XYZ will result in him complying? Doesn't sound like it. :(

They're Hs children. He does not have them overnight but he does see them twice a week and does ring to speak with them too.

He probably asked if it was ok as a token gesture. I be better setting ground rules rather than saying "no" and setting him up to do it anyway eg "Daddy's new friend", no conversations about H going abroad, no "happy family" conversations.

I do resent it. A lot. But it'd rather have some input than none at all.

Their "new mum" !!!!!!! Of all the twuntedness in the world ... no wonder you're feeling jangled. And resentful.

I was widowed early in life with a son, and it was tough, but sometimes I think I had a lucky escape (although my beloved obviously did not).