What is she playing at and why am I so annoyed?

[leavehimalone]

Yes, sorry, I've changed my name but I can assure you I am not a troll.
Anyway, DH works in a regional office for a national company and the team meet every couple of months at HO for a team meeting. He was at HO last week and as well as the team meeting, there was a social event organised too. This event was during working hours with no alcohol involved. DH was back at his office the day after this event when he got a call from one of his female colleagues from his team. She has work related reason to phone him, so he didn't think anything of it. The conversation went along the lines of "Hi, it's x how are you?" "Fine thanks, and you" "Do you want to know a secret? I fancy you" Then she hung up.
DH is very shy and is pretty embarassed by this. Hopefully it was a joke, but he most certainly doesn't find it funny. This woman is in her late 30s with a DD and knows fine that DH is married with baby DS. He says that he chatted to her briefly at the social occassion, but nothing more than polite chit chat.
I am really annoyed about this. I do not believe for a minute that DH is interested and I trust him 100% but who does she think she is phoning up someone elses husband and saying this?
What do you think he should do if she phones him again?

I know that this incident itself is trivial, but I am worrying about what it could escalate into. What if she hassles him but then claims he's harassing her or something along those lines? I think that DH should mention this to his boss but without making a complaint, but he's not keen. Any words of wisdom for us?

I say he should completely ignore it. Just say "Oh really" and divert the conversation. She'll soon give in. Quite sad, isn't she, probably jealous of you.

bramblina - I hope you are right! He thought about letting her calls go to voicemail (he has caller ID) and contacting her back by email. It just might all be a bit embarassing at the next team meeting

May be a silly question but is he sure it was her? Sounds like something a teenager would do for a dare - is her daughter a teenager who might have got hold of her phone for a laugh?

If it really was her then I think you're right that he should mention it to someone - not to get her into trouble but so that she can't turn it around to be him making the moves.

Hi WWB - yes it was her. She called his work landline from her work landline and her name came up on the caller ID. She is foreign so he also recognised her accent.

I'm not surprised you're annoyed by this.

It is rude to intrude on someone else's reelationship that way - having the cheek to think that her feelings about your husband from spending one day with him are in any way significant.

I feel a bit strongly about this because a woman tried to interject herself into my marriage in this way a few years ago.

It's difficult because she is obviously not particularly grounded if she is behaving like this, but I would say that your husband should make it very clear to her that he is not interested in her and that she is making a fool of herself.

The woman who did this to my husband seemed to have convinced herself that she was serving a role as a fantasy figure in my husband's life. He was embarrased about it all and just avoided the issue and she interpreted it as he secretly loved the attention (actually on one level he did really enjoy it too).

It turned into something much bigger for us than it ever should have done and I do think it may have been nipped in the bud if he had just made her feel that it was more likely to make her look foolish than to fuel her ego as she needed to do.

Hope this makes sense. I don't want to seem to imply that you should take it all too seriously because it needn't be serious at all, but you need to make sure that it doesn't start to cause resentment between you, even on a small scale (eg., husband appears to quite like the attention, or husband not prepared to be impolite to her, etc.).

A very similar situation ended up causing a lot of grief between me and my husband and I can still hardly believe it because we had been married for years with hardly an issue between until then...

Make sure you two keep up a united front.

hi all
i having some problems with my partner i feel he doesnt always tell me the truth i wanted to know our eldest daugher was on laptop and said to me there were dirty things down loaded i confronted him he says they down load themselves when u go 2 certain sites i not great on pc but it he telling me porkies could someone give me advice please

sorry think i posted this wrong

How irritating lha. Although does sound like office dare.
You know, stupid games to relieve the monotony like phoning your boss and calling in sick when you are in full view...
I think that he needs to ignore her and if she does it again warn her that he will report this behaviour.

She sounds a bit MAD doesn't she?

Personally this sort of thing is sexual harassment and if I was your DH I would have an informal word with my line manager, just to flag it up in case she turns totally barking

Thank you for all your replies. My original suggestion to DH was to ignore her for now, but if she does it again then he should tell her that one more time will result in a complaint against her. I am worried that he is too polite to tell her to bog off and she will keep annoying him which would probably stress him out.

I think that DH should have an informal chat with his boss because for all we know, this could be something she does to all new blokes. DH has only been in the job for 4 months and is on probabation so this is another reason for not letting it get out of hand.

She's only phoned him once? I would leave it for now, but make a mental note of it. If she does it again then a quiet word with his manager is in order. He shouldn't try to tackle this himself as then she could make a false accusation against him (worst case scenario).

At least you know that you have a highly fanciable dh! Bet he's secretly quite chuffed too!

I would personnaly ring her and ask her what the fuck she was up to - tell her you are happily married and she can piss off.

But my more rational DP would tell me not to.

Could he send her an email stating that he doesn't appreciate her behaviour and asking her to kindly stop this - he could CC it to someone in HR after speaking to them about it - she could turn into a right bunny boiler by the sounds of it so I would do something!!

I would make sure that his manager at least is aware of it. She might start acting strangely and he'll need some backup. Not necessarily to make a complaint, but just so that someone in the organisation is aware of it. I definitely wouldn't keep it secret. This woman sounds unbalanced.

I had a strange call from a colleague's wife asking me to go out with them (to an S&M club!) because he fancied me. Really wish I'd told my boss at that point. Things got a lot worse after that - a bit of stalking, dragging me into some horrible HR stuff... Was a real nightmare.

DH has read all your replies and has agreed that if she calls again, he will nip it in the bud and tell her that he is not interested and that he will report her if she does it again.
In his words, he "can't be arsed" with it all getting out of hand.
Twinkie - LOL at your response but I don't see myself as a handbags at dawn type gal!