Sex after third degree tear?

[mamabrownbear]

Hello, I'm wondering when people felt ready for sex again after a third degree tear? My DH is being very understanding but seems to be counting the days until my 6 week appointment with the GP as if that's going to give us some sort of green light. Did anyone try before 6 weeks? Or is it best to wait? I'm feeling much better, still some light bleeding but only sore coccyx really!! Would be useful to know what others experienced

You are ready when you are ready.
The first time I had second degree tears and it was at least 12 weeks.
This time no real tears but its been nearly 6 months and I just have no interest. Physically there are no issues but I have zero libido.
Don't be pushed into it. He may have to alter his expectations.

This sounds a bit grim but I would experiment with putting pressure on the area with your hands, when you can be really quite firm without pain then you are pr

Damn hit post early! Cont: probably ready but your dh will have to be really gentle he first few times and I would highly recommend using a good water based lubricant. ( I used this for at least the first 4 months!)

Ask if he'd be so up for it if he had a split down his dick that was still bleeding

Sorry, you deserve kinder replies (see above.) I'm just so fed up with reading about selfish, entitled men. I need a MN break.

My GP gave me KY jelly at my 6 week check, after a 3a tear. It's been 7 months now and it's gradually getting easier, although the obstetrician seems to have given me a designer vagina, as it's definitely smaller than before!

DH is being great and would never pressurise me. I miss being close to him too but the exhaustion of a newborn does take the edge off any sexy time. Have just bought some nice underwear for when it happens. Hope I don't get breast milk all over it though!!!!

I think we waited about 8 weeks. And to my surprise it was fine! Definitely nervous beforehand...! You're ready when you're ready, don't be pressurised, we all heal differently and have different libidos etc.

You can still be physically close without having penetrative sex

I would wait

I was around 6/8 weeks, not sure exactly. It was after the 6 week check but not much. After a consultant put his finger up my bum and it didn't even smart I thought I was good to go! I was really keen to try, it wasn't XH idea though he was keen too. We used lube and went slow, it wasn't good but it wasn't bad. It felt funny but not painful. Probably did it about once a week for a while and it got better really quickly.

I had a second degree tear and 30 stitches (I had a cervical tear was well which led to a haemorrhage!) and I felt ready at 6 weeks, we tried but it wasn't happening so got some lubricant and kept going, at 8 weeks we managed and it was probably the best sex ever (sorry if tmi). This was 4 and a half months ago. I would recommend lubricant and taking things slowly!
Congrats on your baby and good luck x

I think it was after about 5 weeks but I didn't have a 3rd degree tear. Probably best to wait until there is little day to day pain. I was surprised how easy the first time was so I was obviously ready. I think it can be a mistake to wait too long (ie. months and months) as I think sex is important to a marriage and the relationship can move to a different plain without. Good luck!

I had a 3rd degree tear both times (ouch) and was ready after 6 weeks both times but was clear that I wanted dh to be v. slow and gentle. It was over a year before I got full sensation back after dc2 though, so be aware that although sex may not be painful it may be somewhat odd for a while.

Vijac - if you experience lots of pain with sex it's not exactly great for marital relations either.

OP I had a third degree tear which led to bad scarring and a lot of pain (but I was in daily pain to the point of tears without sex for the first six months).

I waited a few months and it was very gentle just checking stuff worked still rather than wahey!

I think my experience was particularly bad but I would still advise that you don't feel under pressure. Wait until you're ready.

3c tear, waited 3 months, was not great sex though! Sensation very different. Took a good 12 months before my libido came back & sex became properly enjoyable again.

I waited and it was painful - 12 months later still painful and I had to have a little op to sort out the issue - lets just say it was a little too neat at the edges!

I threatened the midwife second time round and now its fine but basically between kids was absolutely no fun at all really and I did leave it too long to go to the doctors DS1 first party not much fun as I had the op the day before!!

If it hurts get it checked!

I had a 3rd degree tear too and waited to 4-5 weeks post partum.

I was curious as it how it would feel (as opposed to gagging for it!)- DH was very cautious and gentle and we used a lot of lube. TBH it wasn't too bad, a bit like first time sex. Things still felt very tender and a bit swollen but to be honest I expected at least that.

Second time it was uncomfortable and third/fourth time it was fine and more enjoyable.

3b tear, waited 10 weeks and felt different but not painful. Took a few times to feel back to normal. Fine now and PG with DC2 so there is hope. Definitely don't feel pressured though as 6 weeks is the recommendation without complications, and if you're still bleeding, you need time to recover.
Good luck!

If you're still bleeding, you're not ready.

If you're still sore, you're not ready.

Even when you're ready you may find it is sore once you commence, but that's very different to being sore before anything even happens.

The 6-weeks guideline is just that - a guideline. You're ready when you feel ready.

I wouldn't judge him for wanting to jump your bones - who doesn't want to feel desirable to their partner? - but if he's displaying any sort of impatience or entitlement about it, tell him where to shove it (and not in you ).