Struggling to comprehend how we can be so different :(

[rubiesandpearls]

I mean my mother. The differences in us are huge.

She was 31 when she had me, never wanted a child but couldn't have an abortion due to finding out she was pregnant so late. She rushed into marrying my father as it wasn't acceptable for her to be an unmarried mother. They divorced nastily 5 years later. I'm fairly sure she resents me for all of that.

As I have grown up, we have become two utterly different people to the point where I can't stand her. She doesn't care about anyone else, thinks lots of groups of society are "sick" (ill, gay, transgender, gypsy). Her blase attitude is awful, she was telling me about a friend whos neighbour doesn't feed her kids, is often out of it with drink, drugs, sells her body in the house. When I asked why her friend hasn't reported this mother, the reply was "it's not her problem". These are kids FFS, imagine if everyone thought like that, what an awful world we'd live in.

We are going to a wedding soon and thought it would be nice if we looked for outfits together, she found a FLOOR LENGTH WHITE DRESS and said she was going to wear that. I spluttered out, "you can't wear that to someone elses wedding!" Her reply, "yeah? watch me".

She doesn't like my body art, she thinks she can tell me what to do, she quizzes me if I go out and where to and who with despite me living in another city!

I am trying to run a business and she will smirk when she asks how it's going as if she doesn't believe it. She also asks all the time when I am getting a proper job and what I am going to do with my life. ERRRR my business?!

It's numerous other things too over the years that led me to move out 2 weeks after my 18th. She's getting me down. I have to ring her every day and if I miss a day she will be so horrible next day I cry when I am off the phone.

Why are you obliged or feel obliged to phone her every day?. Why do you have any sort of relationship with her at all?.

It is not your fault she is like this; you did not make her this way.

I would also post on the "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread on these pages and read the resources at the start of that thread.

She is toxic as a parent, controlling and thus both abusive and awful to be around. You would not tolerate such from a friend let alone someone like your mother. Children, now adults, of toxic parents often have FOG - fear, obligation, guilt. You seem to have FOG in spades.

OP may I ask how old you are? tbh you sound a bit immature and adolescent.
lets face it, most mums hate "body art" on their "little girls" and if you had a nasty go at the dress she picked out, you might have hurt HER feelings (Even if the dress was vile and inappropriate, there are more subtle ways of saying...). as for all the more substantial stuff about your birth etc, your comments are very self-centered and immature. perhaps it was genuinely very hard for her?
sounds like you both have some growing up to do including setting some boundaries and have some respect and kindness for each other.