Not really sure why I'm posting this or what I really want to achieve so it might end up a bit rambled, sorry.
ExH walked out on me and DC when DD3 was a week old. Things hadn't been perfect as we had been arguing for quite a while and he had started staying out overnight.
Quite quickly after he left he told me he was " interested" in someone else but that nothing had happened. A few weeks later he started telling other people he had a new girlfriend. He kept coming back to the house we lived in and sleeping with me but also telling me he was no longer in love with me.
I was not in a good place and ended up taking an overdose as he wouldn't leave me alone. He came back after about a month saying he wanted us to try again but as I had put a deposit down on a new house I moved out.
Things were kind of on and off again for the next 2 years, on when nobody else around and off when someone better came along I think. Until last year when I walked away completely.
The problem is I am a lot better than I was but still feel like my life is in limbo. I have this guilt that I don't do enough for him to see our DC and that maybe things weren't as bad as I think they were.
I am going to start seeing a councillor soon but is that going to work when I can't even explain to myself how I feel. I always thought I was quite strong and stubborn but it got to the point where I felt that I was obsessed with him. I did and said some things that were just crazy!
I don't really feel like myself anymore and can't see a way back to that. On a day to day basis I cope ok and don't really think about him but it doesn't take much to bring me down.
Sorry for going on, like I said I'm not really sure what I am doing here.