So OH and I just can't seem to stop arguing at the moment which is really getting me down, especially as I'm 12 weeks pg. We had the scan last week, everything was fine (phew!) so this should be a really happy time for us. But all we ever do is bicker and fight, it's really getting me down and now I'm worrying that we're bringing a baby into a war zone. To an extent, I'm starting to think it's our MO. We're both very fiery personalities and I suspect we'll always have our fair share of rows. I just want a more peaceful life and don't know how to make that happen. We don't live together, partly this is for financial reasons but partly it's also because of all the arguments. I was relieved when he went home last night, which isn't good.
On one level the arguments are all about really petty things but on the other hand, I feel there's something deeper going on and that all the arguments are about something much deeper. We bicker a lot, don't seem to have much fun together and every few weeks an argument will escalate into something huge. Which we always end up sorting out and promise each other things will be different and we'll both stop doing xyz, but it never lasts.
I know relationships are hard and I don't expect it to be a bed of roses all the time. But I'm worried that, if things are this bad now, how much worse are they going to be when bean comes along with all the attendant stresses and sleep deprivation that's going to bring.
So one thing that seems to be going on at the mo is I feel quite bullied by him. I've never found it easy to apologise for stuff and I am aware this is a fault. But he's doing this thing at the moment where he demands apologies for stuff which just puts me on the defensive and makes it almost impossible for me to apologise. Like I know I should and it would make things better but it's physically impossible to get the words out. and him standing over me badgering me and insisting I apologise just makes it harder. And often its' about what I regard as really petty stuff and it bugs me that he can't ever just let some stuff slide. He's a teaching assistant and sometimes I feel like one of his pupils, like it's his mission in life to pull me up on every little thing I do wrong and make me apologise for it like a naughty child. And it feels like, instead of letting some stuff slide like I do or waiting for an apology, he jumps down my throat the minute I do something he doesn't like and badgers and bullies me until I apologise. A few times this has happened where I was literally about to send him a text to say sorry and I've received some horrible sarcastic passive aggressive text from him which just pisses me right off and leaves me feeling attacked and defensive instead of apologetic. I have tried to explain this to him but haven't got anywhere.
e.g. yesterday I got out of the car and closed the door a bit too hard. I didn't slam it on purpose, just a bit harder than he likes, he's got a real thing about it. As I walked past the car he had a go at me about it. When I got back in the car he said it again and I said I'd heard him the first time. To which he said "well don't you think you should apologise?" Is it just me or is this really petty? I didn't do it in purpose, it's not a big deal, does it really need an apology? He knows I find it hard to apologise and badgering me like this and insisting on apologies for stupid stuff like this seems really pointless and mean to me. So I lost my temper and said if that's how it was going to be it was going to work both ways and I was going to insist he apologise for everything he did wrong from now on, starting with him having had a go at me that morning for waking him up. He did eventually apologise for that but not until we'd argued about it for ages and I'd ended up crying.
I've just suggested we go for couples counselling. Not that we can afford it but I don't see any other options at this point. It feels like we've done nothing but argue for months now and something needs to change. I know Relate offer discounted therapy dependent on your income but honestly I don't rate them, been here before! 