Help Please just need to see the wood from the trees

[deservebetter]

this is going to be long.
Had finally had enough of H's emotional abuse and said it was over last week. He promptly arranged a meeting with a relate counsellor we'd seem nearly a year ago. I haven't changed my mind and gave him a long letter, I will post a few excerpts below.
Today we were having a disagreement, I tried to lead him round the corner out of DC earshot and he really violently bent my fingers and wrist back. It really hurts, part of it has gone numb now. Anyhow, he stepped towards me and I pushed him back and he's now saying that I punched him. He has never hit me, but I am scared of him.
He is now acting like I'm playing games. I'm so scared of how easily he lies, either to me or to himself, not sure which. I am trying to get in contact with my Mum to take DC down, and might go to a hotel.
He's gone out now, but kept saying that I hit him and I have to move out.

I'm afraid you're right. These are mere blandishments to pull you back. Be strong; your understanding of how he is working is great, and gives you a big advantage.

May I suggest that you no longer answer calls from him? Get on to your provider, change your current sim to payg and get a new one for every day use - don't give him the new number. Let him use the old number but only put tHe sim in from time to time.

So pleased you're at DM's. You're brave and will come through this. Next step - solicitor. And you'll get superb advice here, too.

Well done for LTB.

No, they don't change.
Either they realise immediately and work on getting better or the apologies are just to get the victim back.

ExH did acknowlege then, when I left, but has denied it since, even to his son, who witnessed some of it.

Keep strong and keep away from him.

Also, do keep to written messages and don't talk on the phone to him.

Yes, paper trail. You may need it.

Well done for getting out. IMO you would be wasting your time reconnecting with him. The best you would get is 3 months good ish behaviour and then slipping back to the old. His issues are just too deep rooted. Trust his actions not his words.

You will know that this is true if you tell him thus. Because if he loves you he will not make sure life harder. And believe me he will try after a refusal to make it hell.

He is promising the earth only because he has lost control and he wants it back.

You will know if he has changed by his behaviour.talk is cheap . A man who really loved you and wanted to change would do the following

Move out of your house so you and his child/ren could stay
Come to a fair and amicable decision about financial matters
Be cooperative and reliable around access to the child/ren
Go for counselling /therapy to help him work on his issues
Acknowledge his behaviour and take responsibility for it

No, he wont change. I had that, he would change, stop drinking etc. Well, it was good for a few weeks, and then he turned round with a vengeance. Several years later it was me hanging by a thread, and only when he put my youngest in direct danger did I manage to ask my sister for help. I'm still messed up, as I'm still askin for help here.
I would expect yours to do the same, judging by the letter you wrote him. He's making noises for you to come back, but he will make you pay double for having had the audacity to ever leave. Please don't go back, he'll really and truly do your head in then. imagine how he'll turn this around on you, and making out you've hurt your daughter by splitting etc ad nauseam. The fact he's accusing you of keeping a paper trail shows he knows that trail will land him in a heap of trouble. DO not delete anything, please.
Seconding lweji, denial to you, and your children which messes with their heads too. Not nice at all.