issue with a sibling

[glam71]

I am one of 3 children. I havea brother and a sister. I have always got on better with brother but do always try to make an effort for sister.
Two weeks ago dd made her 1st holy communion. It was very low key as dh not a believer.
I discussed occasion with siblings and feel sure I invited sister although I didn't formalise transport arrangements.
On the weekend of the holy communion she was staying nearby with a friend and I guessed planning to do last bit of journey by train if no lift available. Was going out for the day with friend.
So on the day before I sent her a text detailing all the train information as a lift was not available. I was told that because I didn't contact her sooner she felt she was no longer invited and couldn't come because she didn't have anything appropriate to wear.
She is now really upset with me.
I have left messages etc but they have been ignored.
Please tell me this is not entirely my fault as I feel awful.

I don't understand about the transport arrangements issue but did you send out an invite or at least a confirmation a few days beforehand instead of the day before the event?

Did your brother come?

Very odd that she felt the need to br formally invited to an important family event. Your sister came to visit her friend who lived nearby but did not think it important to find out details for the day or to see you.
Whats the age gap betwern you and which number sibling are you? Does she get on with your brother?

I think she is spoiling for a fight and dont rise to it. You have tried to contact her to resolve any misunderstandings and she is not interested so leave it.

OP are you the middle child by any chance? Often us middle children are left to keep the siblings close. Your sister sounds a little precious. Why was she staying near and not in contact with you? You made an honest effort to invite and to correct any offense. Give her time and space. She'll come around. What a crap mood you must have been in for your DDs Confirmation. Some people just have to make any event about themselves.

I think if siblings are not close, a formal invite is needed.

Really passion? How formly our you Christmas plans? (Or holiday plans, don't mean to assume you are Christian).

Damn phone typing! How formal are your Christmas holidays/December religious events?

She's being silly. I expect she forgot about the event, had something better planned and, rather than be honest, she made up some huffy crap about having nothing to wear and blah, blah, blah..... Ignore.

Since holidays are always at my parents' house and potluck style, I can't issue invitations.

However, if I am doing anything at my house, I can just call up my sisters, whom I am very close to and talk almost everyday to, and say for them to come. My brother, on the hand, not. We tolerate each other. With him, it has to be a written invitation in the form of a FB invite.

I still send FB or text reminders a few days beforehand anyways if its an important event.

She thought she was 'no longer invited'? What a load of rubbish. She knew she was invited and is just acting the idiot to spoil for a fight. Ignore.

Your sister is acting appallingly. WTF? If I'm invited to an event, family or otherwise I make my transport arrangements. I don't see this as anyone else's responsibility unless they are the ones who offer.

By any chance is she the youngest sibling and your lo the first grandchild?

I am the middle child. She is the youngest. We don't normally do formal invites. Although I suppose we do normally put things on fb or txt. Guess I just didn't think I needed to as we had a conversation. I only needed to get back to her because brother would have driven if he came. Unfortunately he couldn't as his wife was in hospital.
I guess she doesn't appreciate the pressure of having a young family.

Doesn't get on well with brother sadly.

Main thing I found odd was not bringing outfit just in case.

Probably should have been in touch sooner but had a really rubbish week before with two poorly children.

My youngest daughter (18) has s habit of insisting that i didnt mention XYZ to her, and feeling huffy as a result, when im as sure as i can be that i did - sometimes i wonder if i should start recording our conversations!! My other daughter has a knack for putting the most negative possible 'spin' on any situation (eg 'i assumed i wasnt invited'...) . its a shame if this misunderstanding blighted the christening, but it's happened now. I wouldn't apologise to huffy sis for the misunderstanding, as it was as much her fault as yours, but you can acknowledge that you are sad about it as you would have liked her to be there.

glam I'm a middle child (well my dad's middle child) and my younger sister became the most giant pita when I got pregnant and even more so after I had DD. It was jealousy because I was taking her status away as the baby of the family. She cannot stand not being the centre of attention.

Has your sister pulled any other stunts since your DD was born? Or is this a one off.

Oh, and now she is really angry because I've now had DS and given Dad the precious boy he has longed for for years.

glam I knew you'd be the middle child! Stop beating yourself up about her mix up. If you had sent a FB message she would be saying that because she never confirmed it conversation...

Let it go.

Next time there's an event you'd like to invite her to, ring, text, email, FB message everyday in the run up to it. She'll get the message.