Advise needed re Asian Muslim family situation

[Twopointfourkids]

I come from a family of atheist Asians. There are lots if inter marriages and divorces in my family. I was married to a non Muslim for a while and the Divorced.

Now I am married to an atheist man that comes from ultra conservative Muslim family. I live I'm their country. I have been married for a while and have children. My in laws hated me initially because I do not practice Islam and their culture - in their family women do not work and rarely get an education whereas I am highly educated and outgoing. Over last few months we have been getting on ok as I have been giving them money and doing things for them - without changing myself much.

So now here is the issue I need advise on - they have found out that I was married and divorced before. How do I handle this? I haven't seen them since their discovery. There are some members if the family that hate me and I am sure they will count this as an unforgivable crime. They will look down in me, make snide comments and try and get my husband to see me in negative light.

You don't mention that your ex is a none muslim, they dont need to know the finet details & it is certainly not their place to judge. You only answer the questions that they ask you so it's strictly on a need to know basis. If they ask you say it was a mistake from your past when you were young & stupid & you are now happily married into a muslim family.

BUT
Make copies of your passport & keep inportant documentation in a safe and easily accessible place. Keep some emergency money for a flight home ready & discretely find out when & where the next flights to the UK are. On your mobile & paper diary keep important info & numbers like British embassy numbers. Tell somebody that you trust in the UK your concerns but ask them not to say anything.

The death penalty sentence is a throw back from the old tribal cultures of the middle East, it is rarely practiced. You have to be an openly aggressive aethiest causing trouble and inciting hatred & murder of which you are doing neither. What you practice and believe is none of anyones business. There are lots of aethiest muslims now and as your husband is one its not in his interest to turn the spot light on you.

You don't mention that your ex is a none muslim, they dont need to know the finet details & it is certainly not their place to judge. You only answer the questions that they ask you so it's strictly on a need to know basis. If they ask you say it was a mistake from your past when you were young & stupid & you are now happily married into a muslim family.

BUT
Make copies of your passport & keep inportant documentation in a safe and easily accessible place. Keep some emergency money for a flight home ready & discretely find out when & where the next flights to the UK are. On your mobile & paper diary keep important info & numbers like British embassy numbers. Tell somebody that you trust in the UK your concerns but ask them not to say anything.

The death penalty sentence is a throw back from the old tribal cultures of the middle east. What you practice and believe is none of anyones business. There are lots of aethiest muslims now and as your husband is one its not in his interest to turn the spot light on you.

It is time for you to start seriously looking for a job somewhere else and persuading your H to leave with you. Or forget the job and just leave.

How could you even consider living in such a dangerous and unpleasant place as you are an atheist with a non Muslim ex H hanging over your head?

Do it before they manage to turn him against you and you end up having to flee and leave the children behind.

Just a thought, but how old are your children? Are your plans for how to raise them going to cause them or you any issues? Are you planning on raising them aethiest? Do you have girls, are you planning on educating them amid family dissaproval (I hope so, just thinking through potential issues for your family).

I hope you can resolve it all but a back up plan sounds like a good idea.

WRT your ex husband, without the need for you to lie, there is no reason for them to find out he was not a Muslim. Even if they do ask directly, find out and disapprove, you are now divorced (seen the errors of your ways, so to speak) and happily married within the Muslim faith (as fart as they are concerned).

The biggest issue is you both being atheists, it could be very hard for him to fight your corner without 'outing' himself, and, without going as far a death penalty, that would probably be the end of his relationship with his family.

How involved are your in laws with raising your children?

I think a back up plan is a good idea in any case, although, hopefully none of your worries will actually materialise.

Thinking of you.

Why do they need to know 1st DH was non-Muslim? Is this not the sort of situation that "little white lies" are made for?

OP, I'm not sure where you are but in islam (the REAL islam, not cultural islam) there is no death penalty for not believing. There is no compulsion in religion, no one can be forced to believe something that they don't. I've never heard of any country that kills people for not being a muslim???

Regarding the IL's, you don't have to sit down and go through the details with a fine tooth comb, it is your business, your husband knows but the way I see it is if he is running around with his tail between his legs worrying about what his Mummy is going to say then that is your biggest problem.

I have come across an uncle stirring it up when his nephew married abroad (she wasn't muslim) and there was a lot of nastiness and threats around him 'leaving the religion'. This was really inheritance-related but it still caused a lot of stress and worry, and it was said in no uncertain terms that he would be in big trouble if he went home.

I suppose it depends where exactly you are and their own local traditions, but technically, if you turn your back on the religion, then you are the worst of the worst, and some interpretations can be that you should forfeit your life. It will also depend on the circles you move in too.

Madmum24, I think there is two different things, not being a Muslim is absolutely not a reason to be worthy of the death penalty, on the other hand, to be a Muslim and then deny your faith (I think it is called apostasy) is, although am not sure if the penalty would actually be applied.

Remember the christian girl in Pakistan who got into a lot of trouble when a mullah 'planted' some burned pages of the Koran in her bag? Her was trying to stir up all sorts of trouble in the community. The death sentence was called for, for the burning of the Koran (for her, but oddly not him when the truth came out). Whether they would have done it or not, can you imagine the fear, reprisals, intimidation?

If someone is of the mind to royally shit stir, then they will. If you live in a rural community (and you know what small villages are like internationally) then your life can be a living hell if you are the target of gossip and finger pointing.

We can't imagine this in the West, but there are some parts of the world where these things are taken beyond serious.

Are you able to leave the country? Do you have citizenship elsewhere?

Do you think you may be in danger of IL grass you up? Are you in Saudi Arabia?