HELP ME get over my Fear

[Amberz]

Okay so posted recently about having a second date , really nice guy but some distance away...............anyway to cut along story short I just chicken out , blew it , send him and email saying thanks but no thanks to eve seeing him again...................jeeze I do wonder what is wrong with me sometimes, been hurt in the past ..............surely time heals?????

Time does not, in fact, heal all wounds.

It's hard to advise further without knowing what kind of hurt you're talking about OP - infidelity? DV?

Thanks Jessjess , yes infidelity big time , my ex husband and my ex partner of 18 months was 2 timing me that was a year ago............feel such a failure and need to get a life !

You're not a failure. You've been hurt badly - not the same thing. Would you consider counselling, so you could talk about those feelings and work through them?

I think you're being rather hard on yourself!

Thanks Jess maybe that is the conclusion I should come to never done counselling hing before it is usually me listening to others tails of woe , thanks for your kind words

Please don't reproach yourself. What you've done this time around is listen to and act on your judgement. You weren't sure about the whole thing, you posted here and you've subsequently decided it wasn't right for you. That doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, far from it. It just makes you cautious which is perfectly understandable.

Always trust your judgement. You'll know when it's right that way.

Thanks Cogito , yes guess when you say like that it does sound like I have
been sensible , and I will try not to reproach myslef , just relationships seems to get harder as one gets older!, but many thanks for your wise words .

Story from the Cog Files... :) ... I once turned down a date with a very nice man I met at a party. Witty, wealthy, intelligent, nice-looking. What's not to like?!!?! I turned him down because the host had a collection of decorative boxes on a coffee table and he spent quite a lot of time absent-mindedly arranging them to be set-square perfect. My spidey senses just screamed 'neat freak!' and I am many wonderful things but neat, I ain't.

Ha love it ! great story , I appreciate it thanks, I would have freaked to I aint neat , or in a box type person , guess it takes all sorts to attract us in this world!

There you go. That was just to illustrate that it's OK (I'd even say vital) to follow your irrational 'spidey-sense' side when it comes to relationships. Everyone is on best behaviour in the early days of dating and, if you're a nice, easy-going, friendly sort of person yourself, it all feels great. But if something makes you uncomfortable, even if you can't put your finger on it, trust yourself rather than thinking you must have some serious personality defect.

Yes CogitoErgo...........I am okay in every other area of my life I feel confident work full-time , have good friends and a life . so will just need to listen and trust myself when coming to dating and not take it all too damn seriously!many thanks for your kind words and inspiration !

Listen, trust yourself, have fun, and accept nothing worth having comes without a few risks and that you're still going to cock it up from time to time. :) Good luck

Will do !!!!!!!!!!! thanks again !

Cogito, I turned down a man because he used the word 'chuckle'.

LOL.. :) We could probably get a very long thread going entitled 'very flimsy reasons for turning someone down'.

Yes there must be a long list for being particular about whom we date and the certain criteria they need to have lol!

That's funny imperialblether. I did the same with a man who used the word 'natter'. It really put me off.

But I don't think they're flimsy reasons, Cogito! And if a man said "moist" I would be out of there in a flash!