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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

A bit philosophical, but a good quote..

5 replies

NishiNoUsagi · 07/06/2013 22:27

This popped up on my newsfeed today..

"Immature people falling in love destroy each other's freedom, create a bondage, make a prison. Mature persons in love help each other to be free; they help each other to destroy all sorts of bondages. And when love flows with freedom there is beauty. When love flows with dependence there is ugliness.

A mature person does not fall in love, he or she rises in love. Only immature people fall; they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. Now they cannot manage and they cannot stand. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don't have the backbone, the spine; they don't have the integrity to stand alone.

If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever."
His Holiness the XIVth Dalai Lama

Does that feel true for you? I know some of the worst relationships I've had are the ones where I was far too dependent on my partner, and some of the best were where I felt secure and independent. But then the idea of no dependency at all feels a little bit lonely.. Is Mr Lama right? Or is it better to have some kind of middle ground?

OP posts:
HighInterestRat · 07/06/2013 22:37

My DH and I are pretty dependant. He's away for the weekend and I'm really missing him and my friends/family think that's quite pathetic Grin.

But we are very happy (and also fairly mature fwiw).

pinkpaws · 08/06/2013 20:25

Evening I agree with Mr Lama I choose to be with my husband but I don't need him. I can and do have a life beside him. He not the other hand dos not he would tell you himself he needs me but not the other way round. If I am honest I wish he didn't need me quite so much. So I think to be independent makes for a better place to try and build a relationship.

ColinCaterpillar · 08/06/2013 20:41

I really like that. Very helpful to me at the moment, thank you

brokenhearted55 · 08/06/2013 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dahlen · 08/06/2013 22:39

I always believe it is better to want to be together than to need to be together. Take away the need and you may be left behind, but a genuine desire has far more longevity.

When the chips are down you can depend on someone who want to be with you more than you can on the one who needs you, because if you're not functioning properly the person who needs you may bail at this point because you're not fulfilling their needs. The person who wants you, however, is more likely to feel empathy at your plight and therefore more likely to support you.

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