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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Someone tell me to stop doing this

1 reply

BeckyBrandon · 07/06/2013 15:09

My mum is an alcoholic. She has hit rock bottom and was made homeless a while ago and since then she's not been drinking. She's actually been dry for about 4ish months. She got into a homeless shelter (which was hard work as they were really backed up) and was getting things sorted and getting the right help etc. She was lovely, I would have her over for dinner and took her out places. Then a few weeks ago she said she found a shared house so she moved into there, but was being very vague about telling me where exactly it was.

Anyway, yesterday I asked if she wanted to go to a lake near us and have some lunch as weather was lovely, she said yes so I drove to pick her up (about 25 min drive) I parked near some shops which is where she told me to wait and waited for 30 mins, after many calls and texts i realized she wasn't coming and was probably drinking. I was really upset because I feel like shes let me down again. I went to the lake on my own. She rang me an hour later and said she was sorry and had fallen asleep, I couldn't tell if she was telling the truth or not.

Anyway, she was texting me this morning and seemed fine, I spoke to her, again fine. I felt bad for presuming that she was drunk so offered to pick her up again, she said she needed to go to the help shop, so I said I would collect her from there, I waited outside for an hour in the car, she was texting me for the first half hour saying stuff like "they're taking ages, will be done in 5 mins" When she stopped texting I realized something was up so I went into the help shop, well she wasn't there and when I asked the lady if she had been in she said no..

DP is fuming at her because he knows how upset I get. I don't know how to react to her, I always end up forgiving her and things are ok for a bit then this happens again.

Sorry, long and ranty. Feel bit better though.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/06/2013 15:29

Have you tried Al-Anon? Not for everyone but it can be a support.

The problem is that you are so used to accepting tiny scraps of love and affection, you are in the pattern now. She has an addiction. Even if she has been dry for 4 months, which sounds unlikely, she will not have dealt with any of her issues yet.

Try to think of it as boundaries, rather than 'forgiving' her. Keep your boundaries around her and your behaviour and see what happens. That way you don't feel let down every time. Well, you probably will but it might be easier.

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