2 years on and it still hurts like feck

[wellthatsdoneit]

That's it really. It's two years since my stbxh left and I am still in an incredible amount of pain. He left to be with someone else and has treated the children and I terribly (currently still living in my parents house with the children as we have no money, income and he pays nothing - he lives abroad). We are in the process of selling the house and everytime I get a text about it it cuts me to the quick in spite of all the dreadful way he's behaved.

How do I move on? Please help me.

You move on slowly, deliberately, consciously and by keeping your face firmly to the future... never wallowing in the past. That's all you can do. At the moment you are in limbo. Not divorced, not settled in a new place, not independent. All those loose ends are a source of stress and keep you trapped in the past.

Practically speaking, selling a home is pretty traumatic at the best of times so get all the support you can IRL to make that go as quickly as possible. If you have no income, are you getting all the help you're entitled to in terms of benefits and finding a job? Once you have the house proceeds (assuming there's something left to share) you'll probably find it easier to draw a line under the past and get on with living your future.

Best of luck

Yes, we are still in limbo and I suppose once the house is sold that is a big painful obstacle out of the way. It is hard to face the future though when it is so uncertain and seems very bleak. I cannot think of anything to look forward to. I can't imagine every having peace/contentment/happiness again.

The only way to combat an uncertain future and the feeling of limbo is to create some certainty. And you achieve that by planning ahead. Plans may not always come off the way you intend but as the man said.... 'fail to plan and you plan to fail'. :)

Doesn't have to be big things or important things. If money's tight you have to be creative and resourceful. Anything at all that you can fix in the diary for this weekend next month, six months time... anything that isn't just the humdrum of living life day to day .... all of this will give you the feeling of managing your future and something to look forward to. It'll also boost your confidence when you tick off these things in due course because you'll be able to think... 'we did it and we didn't need him'.

Having your own place will help considerably. There's always an element to living back with parents that makes it feel like life is going backwards rather than forwards... regression. Make 'own place' top priority in your planning therefore.