Aargh - why do grandparents do stupid things???

[Legacy]

My father was widowed just over a year ago. He lives quite far away at the moment, so tends to come and stay for week long chunks.

Thing is, it just gets me so stressed because he tries so hard 'not to get in the way' that he ends up causing more problems.

I have no idea how, but this morning he knocked three hama-bead pictures, which were high up on a shelf in the kicthen, waiting for me to iron them, and must have spilt the beads all over the floor.

But rather than telling me, he just swept up the beads and PUT THEM IN THE BIN .
The first I know of it, of course, is DS in floods of tears saying 'who threw my hama pictures away??!'

Why couldn't he tell me? When I asked him, he said sorry and that he'd buy some more, but that's not the point. I just don't understand why he's put them in the bin - like he's hiding the evidence? He must have realised we'd find out? It's not the sort of behaviour I teach my children - they are taught to 'own up', and in return I promise to try not to be angry...

Sounds like he is just embarrassed, is he stuggling physically? if he is getting a bit wobbly on his feet then perhaps this could cause accidents but he is not yet ready to admit to it being a issue? (this is my nan all over)
Other than that could he be feeling in the way? perhaps he is sensing tension or somthing? A good way to bring you all together over this might be to buy the new beads together and re-do the pictures kids and gramps-he will understand why it was such a big deal to your ds and ds will see that gramps didnt mean any harm?

nickiey
Yes - I'm sure you're right, and I'm not really angry that it happened, I just wish he'd be more honest about it.
It's really tough when your parents get too proud to admit when things are wrong - just causes more work.

I think I'm more stressed about it because we're actually in the process of moving him into a retirement apartment closer to where we live, and I can feel that I'm going to have to get used to all this stuff on a more regular basis.

Maybe I'll start a separate thread on that - it's a whole topic in its own right....

I was talking to my Dad about this issue yesterday - my FIL is like this, and drives me up the wall, so I was moaning to my Dad about him. Dad said that it's so frightening to realise that you're losing your faculties, becoming less physically independent, losing your memory, basically losing your dignity bit by bit. So it's tempting to cover up the evidence ie. hiding things you've broken, saying 'yes, I remember that' when you don't. Put like that I could understand what FIL is going through and why he lies/hides the evidence. My FIL had a stroke (a long time ago) and my Dad pointed out that FIL has a slightly damaged brain as a result, and he's just trying to appear 'normal' on the outside, because the alternative is so scarey. And unlike your kids, who can admit that they broke something 'cos they're just kids and will learn to be less clumsy, your Dad would be admitting that he's broken something, and he isn't going to get less clumsy, he's going to become more and more dependent. It's not so much 'trying not to get into trouble' (as it would be with a kid) as 'trying to avoid humiliation'.

Hope this doesn't sound like I'm having a go at you - not at all - I was being really furious about my FIL, and what my Dad said really made me think, that's all. Your situation might be totally different.