How do I tell her what I think without upsetting her?

[Bogeyface]

I posted a while back about "going MN" on a friend. She is going through a hellish time after finding out about her STBX's affair, he is an utter bastard and treats her like shit. They are seperated and he is with OW but still walks in and out of her home as if it is still his (which it isnt legally). He assaulted her recently and is using their children now to hurt her too.

The thing is she seems to have become dependent on clairvoyants. She is the most sensible down to earth person I know and yet for some reason she is spending her hard earned (and much needed) money on these charlatans! She told me what 3 of them had said and they all said exactly what anyone on MN would have said to her, that within a few months she will feel stronger, she will tell him to sod off when he asks to come back (as we all know he will) and that she will find someone else. Anyone with any knowledge of human nature, relationships etc could have told her the same.

She wants my opinion on what they said. I want to say that yes, what they say is right but has nothing to do with their psychic abilities and everything to do with the fact that her husband is following the script for a cheater and she is following the script for a woman who is becoming empowered. If I agree then she will think they are so perceptive but if I dont, I would be lying! She hasnt had the same type of life as me so this is her first experience of a break up, affair, divorce, assault, you name it. So I dont think she realises just how common this type of thing is. I have tried to direct her to MN but she isnt interested :(

Could you print off some of the threads?

You're doing very well for not completely rubbishing these parasitic charlatans. That's something I think I'd fail spectacularly at, especially if they were extorting money from a situation like this. I've managed to hold my tongue when bereaved friends have visited them, but I'm not sure I would in this situation.

I am not sure whether she is causing herself financial problems by using them, but one did refer to her money issues (presumably she mentioned it), and said that things would improve soon. Again, I told her that as she is currently in the process of being promoted!

I want to tell her that its all crap and that she would be better spending the money elsewhere!

I think these are online psychics too, which makes it worse! How on earth can anyone get a "connection" via email?!

I see what you mean, and no I wouldnt say the same if she found God, but then God doesnt charge £50 per sermon does he?!

It is utter twaddle. However, these people are telling her the 'right' thing and she is listening. Hopefully, she will use their support, move on and you can laugh about it when she is finally rid of her scumbag ex.

This stuff is strong and pervasive. So is religion, AA, any number of helpful but ultimately spaghetti monster things.

If they aren't charging her excessive amounts and are giving reasonable advice, then its no worse than a counsellor or similar.
I once met someone who ran a telephone psychic service, and he was a very reasonable person really (he was a friend's fiancee's Dad). A lot of it is about reflecting back.

If I was asked I would probably say, "Well I don't believe in psychics, but it sounds like good advice."

Maybe when she's got her act together she will no longer need them.

It's a measure of how desperate she's feeling. I am one of the most skeptical/atheistic people on MN but I know that, at certain (rare) vulnerable times I start reading my horoscopes. If they say what I'm hoping to hear then I feel a momentary sense of hope, and my mind does a "Well, there might be something in it", but if they don't then I am more able to see it for the complete toss it actually is.

We all have this capacity, I think, when we're feeling desperate, clutching at straws. I'd agree with the others that, if it's helping temporarily, then leave her to it - but if it's harmful and costing money she doesn't have the I would keep talking to her, stressing that these people don't have "insight" & are really just offering the same opinion anyone else would.

Is it possible to get her to sign up with MN. People on these board are absolutely superb in situations like this, as we know. It's where I'll come next time I'm getting fucked over by someone.

If these people are making her strong, it really isn't much different than paid counselling.
There is just the danger that she will become dependent on them.

Sorry, just saw that you have tried to direct her here, so my comment wasn't very helpful.

Maybe print off some of the "script" threads?

I don't think that you will be able to change her view of clairvoyants, OP. What you can tell her is that clairvoyants / psychic readers do not recommend having more than approximately one reading every six months, or they will simply be told roughly the same thing, as circumstances will not have fundamentally changed. So she will just be wasting her money by having more readings.

If cash is a problem, maybe look at getting her a deck of her own oracle cards, then she can read to her heart's content at home, for free! Bearing in mind oracle cards are usually lovely and fluffy and say things like 'be kind to yourself!' and 'appreciate the little things' and wouldn't say 'take back the man that treated you like crap!' At least I don't think so. Maybe if you bought the STBXH Oracle Cards!

or she can get free readings on this site (these are random generated type things so no contact with an actual reader, despite this I find them quite uncanny and again a way of not relying on an actual person and free)
www.micheleknight.co.uk/psychic/free-readings/

I know you'll think I'm bonkers, and that's fine, but I am a tarot reader, training to be a clairvoyant, but I understand your concern about over reliance and spending money she doesn't have. You probably won't change her mind straight away - just smile and nod would be my advice (not psychically guided advice, though)

God these people are utter scum aren't they?

Tell her the truth. Do it gently but tell her the truth.

There is a danger in just point blank saying you don't believe in them, which is that she'll feel on her own and continue trusting her own judgement about them, and her judgement is very wonky at the moment. I'm pretty sure what she's looking for is someone who will say "He is your Destined One, you will get back together if you Keep the Faith and Believe and Keep Coming to See Me", and I'm a little surprised she hasn't stumbled on them yet. There are unscrupulous people out there - it's only a matter of time.

I want to say that yes, what they say is right but has nothing to do with their psychic abilities and everything to do with the fact that her husband is following the script for a cheater and she is following the script for a woman who is becoming empowered.

That sounds reasonable to me. Would that really be so hurtful? If she doesn't really "hear" you about the script, that's not your fault. None so blind etc But at least that way you've kept a dog in the fight, as it were, and can express another opinion if/when the unscrupulous person I mentioned above happens along.