First time domestic violence advice

[MommaDance]

Ok, so here's my story. I have been married just shy of one year and wehave a 2 year old daughter. We have gotten into terrible arguments in the past where I have been emotionally abused, but never physically. And they also have dwindled over time as we have been working on not letting them get out of hand. Well, we just moved about 1200 miles and on the way while we were visitng family got into another heated argument and he beat me. Punchedme multipletimes in the face, causing terrible bruising and swelling. I was shocked, hurt and so angry. We were in the middle of a move though, so I allowed his apologies and promises of getting help to allow us to stay together. I still hurt so much emotionally and feel like I can't look at him the same. I feel like my dreams for us were shattered. And to top it off, a couple days ago he flipped out on me, calling me a joke and telling m to shut the f*ck up and leave him. I love him so much and I honestly don't want a broken family. I feel sick at the thought of my daughter not having him around all the time. He says he wants to get help but hasn't done it so far(its been 2 1\2 months) and I feel like myheart wants to stay, but my head wants to leave. Is there anything we can do to ave our relationship? Should I move out or have him move out untl he gets help? So lost....

I feel sick at the thought of my daughter not having him around all the time.

To reiterate what jess said, bear in mind that if your marriage follows the pattern of many DV relationships on these boards, you may well in the future feel sick at the thought of your daughter HAVING him around all the time.

Please get your most personal stuff together, go to the airport and get on a flight with your dd to a friend or family member.

Don't bother to discuss it with him as once he realises you are serious you could be in for another beating.

You are absolutely right, your dreams have been shattered. He won't be picking up the pieces. Keep safe and get out with your dd whilst you can.

Go to the police station if you have nowhere to go. They will give you details of a refuge you can stay in for a while whilst you sort yourself out.

Personally, advising you to stay would be morally wrong and could put you and your dd in mortal danger. And no, DV never ends well.

Please leave.

First time should be the last time.

Please don't stay to suffer this again. You are worth more than to be someone's punching bag

also, don't show your daughter that this is what a woman takes from a man. She must not think it's ok when the time comes for her to be entering into relationships.

oh geez not sure how that happened but posted in wrong thread, is there a way to move or delete?? So sorry, xtra window open......
apologises

Over, just report your post to MN and they will remove it

Done cheers AF sorry again

Please leave now! I was you 14 years ago and stayed because he apologised (insincere bullshit). I left after a year and in retrospect am actually relieved he didn't kill me. My kids are now 16 and 14 and he has assaulted both of them twice in the last couple of years. The assaults were bad enough for police and courts to be involved. He got access when they were babies as social services told me that the children had a legal right to see him. He was fine when they were young but once they became teenagers and were no longer so cute and compliant he reverted to type and assaulted them.

You say you feel sick at the thought of your daughter not having him around all the time, please believe me when I say 14 years later that I feel sick at the thought of my kids having him around. Please believe me and other posters when we say he will not change. Decent people don't behave like that. Leave him and protect your DD from a violent father. IMHO it is just a matter of time before he assaults her. I truly believe that absent fathers do less damage than violent fathers who are present.

No-one wants a broken family and he hasn't bothered his arse getting help. Listen to your head and not your heart, do not put yourself and your DD in jeopardy. Tell him to get out of your home and that you will consider whether or not he can return following confirmation of completion of an anger management or some such course.

I have just spent the evening chatting to my 16 year old DD who told me that she seriously wishes her father was not in her life. She sees very clearly how weak and self obsessed he is. She wishes we could move away and forget about him. When he assaulted the children I found myself trying to explain to police (who were extremely helpful) why I had not reported him regarding his violence towards me when the children were little. I didn't do it at the time because I was scared of making him worse. Even though the police were understanding the case against him was weakened because I hadn't reported him for the violence perpetrated upon me. Ring the police and report the assault, even if it doesn't go far it will be recorded.

When I was in your shoes 14 years ago people gave me the advice I am giving you and I didn't take it. Don't be like me, report him to the police and don't hold your breath waiting for him to get help. He does not exactly sound remorseful.

Good luck, I feel for you and wish I could miraculously appear in your house and tell you not to waste your time and end up being manipulated for years by someone you genuinely won't give a damn about in years to come i.e. when you eventually leave him, which you will!!! Look after yourself and your DD. best wishes!

I am sorry OP... I was a child brought up in a home where my abusive dick of a father beat my mother to shit. Let me assure you that you will not be doing you daughter any favours by staying in an abusive relationship. I still suffer from the consequences of living in that hell and I live with the guilt that I could not help my mum. It has affected my life! She eventually had the courage to leave him and my happy childhood memories started then.

He won't change. Abusive men like that him never ever change. Get out whilst you can for yourself and for you daughter...

Good luck OP.

I was also your daughter . My first ever child-hood memory aged 2 was the terror of my dad attacking my mum. You need to leave him . He won't change . I'm sure my mum thought I wasn't really aware of it, totally wrong. I remember one time going into my brothers room and putting a personal stereo over his ears so he wouldn't hear it. It's horrendous for all concerned. You need to leave him.

Hello Mommadance,
I looked for your thread as when I first read it didn;t know what to say. It's so shocking, he is beyond helping while you stay. Go, and then he'll have to seek help himself. i agree with all the posters saying you must not stay for the sake of your daughter, this is just damaging to her.
I stayed and stayed for the sake of my children. The two oldest, 7 and 9 have repeatedly said they want to kill themselves, and the youngest was so badly affected she stopped delevoping and at 2 1/2 yrs behaves like a 1 year old. He's gone, and we are on the mend, but it's breaking my heart.
This is NOT to say that any of this is your fault, it is all HIS fault. please listen to your head and leave. I hope you have left now.
I found a book that may be good for you as you are in the states: The Domestic Violence Sourcebook. It has tons of practical information if that is a problem with money and being far away from home.