Advice needed on new(ish) relationship/man. Argh!

[merrimug]

Hi,
I am completely new to this so excuse me if I use the wrong letters for BF or Partner...:)
I left my ex of 12 years last Aug and have been seeing newman for 9 months. I have 2 boys aged 12 and 9, he has no kids. I am 43 he is 45. We both went to the same school and know the same people but didn't really know each other until chatting on Facebook. (Eeek!)
Anyway, we have chatted about how we feel for each other and he says he loves me but doesn't want to live with anyone or get married ever! I was a bit taken a back as although I am not ready for anything like that at the moment I like to think it will eventually lead somewhere. When we are together he is very affectionate and tactile, we have fun etc but I feel very unsettled. I love him and he knows that. I have brought up the subject of him meeting my kids and he says he is not ready. He said it will happen but he needs time, to be honest my boys know about him, but are not happy about it, so I wouldn't push it.
He lost his mum to cancer 18 months ago and he was her main carer as his other siblings have kids etc etc and he had come back from living in the USA to do this. He does have a lot of issues and has been on anti-depressants. I however am a needy and insecure wreck. I want to carry on this relationship but I feel I need more from him. Should I just say I'm concerned we will want different things and end up unhappy or just enjoy it as it is. I never thought I would be feeling all this at my age....lol
Am I mad?
Any input GRATEFULLY recieved. Or maybe a slap? Haha
Thanks all....xxx

I however am a needy and insecure wreck
Sort the above out as you may give yourself more chance to be with someone who can give you what you need. From the sound of it, this man cannot and from experience when a man states this at the beginning of a relationship it is a waste of time trying to 'change' him, which is what so many women (people) try to do. If he was 21 then maybe, but he is 45 and possibly set in his ways.
To quote, maybe he is not into you enough, I know it sounds harsh. Do some work on your neediness and you will come from a healthier place and that will give you more of a chance to meet someone who wants what you want.
Also, he has been through a lot as a carer so probably wants some enjoyable times and may feel 'tied down.' He sounds like a George Clooney. Not a good idea to overanalyse him, though.

I think you have to take what he says at face value - he doesn't want to live with anyone or get married ever. Presumably, if you want to have that kind of relationship, then it won't be with him.

It's tempting to think, "Oh, he'll change his mind in the future" and hang on in there in the hope that he does - but this is a mistake, I reckon.

If you can cope with having a fun, casual-ish relationship with no strings and no apparent future, then enjoy what you have now.

But it doesn't seem like it works like that for you, so it might be better to cut your losses now and look for someone who does want the same as you.

Can I also add that it does sound from your post like you jumped from one relationship to another. Any chance you transferred your feelings? It is sometimes good to give yourself a bit of breathing space between relationships, esp long ones, as you may need to get to know yourself as a person again.

I would live to meet a man like this. As I don't ever want to live with or marry anyone again. I don't think it's a bad or abnormal thing but if you want something different, you should probably cut your losses.

Officershitty! You are completely right. I've just come off the phone to him and once again our conversation turned to 'us' and he threw in again that he's got his own life and likes us just being our two dates a week. I feel devastated as love being with him. But yes, we both want different things. I knew all this but was hoping it would change. Ever the optimist or maybe never learnt by past mistakes! Your advice is greatly appreciated! Thank you all! xxx

I think that phone call says it all really