A few issues atm. I am not in the best mental health having had a nasty split recently. I am also diagnosed with mh issues. I suspect borderline personality disorder/anxiety. With my ex I had a massive anxiety attck that was triggered by what a toxic friend said and he left.
I'm going to the gp today to sort treatment.
Also I am having problems accepting my dad's relationship. I do love her, she's great but I still feel a bit annoyed that they got together 5 months after mum died. I felt like I wasn't allowed to grieve as I couldn't go on about my mum in front of her or something. This is totally wierd as she has always been respectful of mum's memory in the way she has come to the grave yard etc.. I just went on holiday with them both and dd and we did have a lovely time and got on but I kept feeling resentful...very mixed feelings.
My dd loves her granddad and is all over him like a rash. I think his girlfriend feels a bit jealous and dd feels a bit jealous of her. On holiday there was a row as dd wouldn't accept food from the girl friend's plate as she had 'germs'. DD is 5 and is a bit wary of germs atm. The girlfriend took offence and said that dd feels threatened by her. I told her she was probably right but I think they feel threatened of each other.
I do shout at dd, partly as I am struggling with my anxiety and being a single mum but I have no issue with shouting occasionally per say. The girlfriend often tells me I shouldn't shout at all which is all very well but......I just resent being told how to parent.
I have been friends with the girlfriend's daughter for many years...I do have issues with her as in the past she dated a couple of ex boyfriends of mine which upset me. When I told her how upset I was her mum (and dad's gf) told me noone would want to know me if I kicked up a fuss. The daughter is currently with another friend's ex boyfriend. Why do I feel wierd about this? My dad will not hear a bad word said against his new family which is lovely and I don't want to bad mouth anyway but he certainly won't hear my grievences if they do arise. He keeps going on about my friend's successful career (mine is not) and then has very little praise left for me. Last night he told me I just want to pick fights all the time. ...when in actual fact I have bit my tongue consistently for months!
I am happy for everyone but I'd be happier if the dynamics were different. I am not happy in my own life and I still feel a bit uncomfortable with it all. Plus I never have time just with my dad any more like I used to...I have asked but they are joined at the hip. Mabe I don't want time with him anyway.
Plus I have a difficult friendship to contend with. I know I am probably toxic aren't I? Or is it the situation? I just hated the way my dad spoke to me last night; just totally insensitive and cold.
I am happy for them but have very mixed feelings because of my past with the gf and her dd. I could go on but I'm getting bored as are you lot I expect!