Newbie here, so please be gentle :-)
I appear to have got myself into a bit of a mess and am not sure how (or even if I want to) extricate myself. Long story, which I'll try to cut short, so bear with me.
Twelve years ago, I started work for a company and soon realised that my line supervisor was having an affair with the MD (who I'll call "MD"). He was an attractive guy, quite charismatic, and was popular with all the other employees
I liked him too, but appeared to be "the Invisible Woman" as far as he was concerned. He would say "hello" when we passed, but never engaged me in any conversation.
Two years later, my supervisor resigned with immediate effect. The rumour was that her husband had found out about her afair. I was somewhat taken aback when I was promoted to her job.
The following year I married, and had my son 2 years later. I had a little more contact with MD but there always appeared to be a distance between us. He certainly wasn't as friendly to me as he was to others. I have no idea why, but I found myself becoming a little infatuated with him. Perhaps it was his coolness towards me
I seemed to be doing something right, however, because the promotions came regularly and I was soon at a fairly senior management level. Over the years, rumours circulated that MD was having an affair with the female MD of another company and then with a woman who was on secondment to our company
And with each passing year, MD had become my fantasy lover. I became increasingly smitten with him, despite the fact I wasn't sure if he even knew my name!
Anyway, last year the company won a very big order and a celebration dinner was organised with all employees invited. When I looked at the seating plan, I found that I was sat next to MD.
Ridiculously, I was nervous even though I'd been there so long. However, the evening went smoothly, the drinks flowed, and we talked for the longest time in the 12 years I'd been there.
Drink, though, got the better of me. At the end of the evening, I said to him "Why have you never liked me?" He seemed totally taken aback and asked where I had got that idea. He then told me that all promotions went through him, and that my rise to senior management had been his decision alone. He seemed genuinely hurt and I thought of apologising but came back with "Tonight is the longest we have ever spoken"
I cannot now remember exactly what he said but it ended up with him apologising to me for making me think he didn't like me
The following Monday, he came to my office very early and said our conversation had troubled him over the weekend. I thought he was going to sack me but instead said he would try not to be so distant in future
And he was true to his word. He found time to come and chat to me most days, seemed very interested in my ideas for the business, and I fell in love with him.
Yes, I know ... foolish in the extreme but here was a man who not only listened to me but also made me laugh ... a lot!
So when, in January, he asked me if I wanted to accompany him on a business trip to France, I immediately said yes. Career advancement was definitely the secondary reason for me agreeing
My husband was very pleased when I told him (he knew I thought MD disliked me, and I had not enlightened him regarding the change in our business relationship).
The trip went very smoothly, we were very busy, and MD was excellent company. I did find myself being a little miffed that he was a perfect gentleman throughout, bearing in mind his reputation, but nothing untoward happened
In February, he asked me to accompany him and two other managers to Scotland. We were away two nights. The second night, having secured another deal, we went out to celebrate. My two colleagues imbibed rather and decided to head off looking for some nightlife. After they left, MD looked at me and asked "Would it be completely inappropriate for me to invite you up to my room for a nightcap?" I didn't hesitate in saying "No"
Nearly four months later, I am totally in love with MD and it is clearly having an effect on my relationship with my husband. I know the affair is going nowhere - MD has told me. He has told me that he will never leave his wife and would never risk alienating his five kids. He has also been completely honest and open about his previous affairs and that he could never guarantee being faithful to me.
He has not let our affair interfere with our professional relationship at all, however, and has told me that I will be offered a directorship at the start of the next financial year but that I would have been offered it irrespective of what has happened.
However ... emotionally I am in turmoil. He is in my thoughts constantly, and I am finding that I compare him to my husband all the time. I cannot wait for weekends to be over so I can get back to work and see him. I live for our "secret" meetings. Oh, be honest, girl .... I live for the sex with MD. He is the kindest, most considerate, and experienced lover I've ever had and sex with my husband (and it has never been his strongest suit) is now a chore I avoid as much as I can
So, what is a 40-something Mum to do? On the outside, a successful businesswoman (who earns considerably more than her husband) working in a company where I am treated with great respect and with a good reputation amongst our customers and competitors.
On the inside, a girl who yearns to be in the arms of another and wh only feels genuinely alive when with her lover - a man I know I can never come close to have as my own
Suggestions .... please!
PS: I have girl friends but, in truth, none I am close enough to to talk to about this. I lost my BFF to breast cancer 4 years ago