I don't know how to be married

[siucra]

I grew up with just my mum and sister. My mum was moody and difficult. She shouted a lot and was pretty scary to live with. She is still very difficult and selfish so now, I'm afraid, I have nothing to do with her. Also my sister is hard work, and unfortunately we too have no contact.
Anyway! I have a brilliant and cool Dd. She's amazing and I spend a great deal of time being the kind of mum to her that mine wasn't (most of the time!) - explaining her emotions, unconditional parenting, making her laugh etc. I am not a remotely perfect parent but I really enjoy being her mum.
However I am a truly terrible wife. I have NO idea how to handle conflict. I don't know how to handle my dh at all. I am moody as I don't know how to let things go. I don't know how to handle the rough parts at all.
I wonder is there a self-help book that someone could recommend? Just one about how to have a good, normal, rational relationship? I can do all the others but don't know how to be married.
I have no one to ask! Thank you!

I recommend Relate's publications www.relate.org.uk/book-shop/index.html

Does your DH know you feel this way? What is it about him that you feel you aren't 'handling' right?

Some couples counselling could be really helpful. It doesn't have to be a negative thing - talk to DH saying just the same as you did above (perhaps lose the "I don't know how to handle DH" line - people don't like to think of themselves as being "handled") - but just explain that you feel you need some help understanding how to live in a long term stable relationship because you didn't see it in action growing up. A counsellor should be able to help you learn how to deal with disagreements in a positive way.

Relate will not be the only option - look in yellow pages under counselling, there will be lots of independent counsellors offering this kind of help. In our area there is also a training college which offers a low-cost counselling service with their trainee counsellors (the down side being that you get to be a part of their course work (anonymously of course))

What are the rough parts?

What about DH needs to be handled?