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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure I can get over this.

4 replies

butterflyroom · 02/06/2013 21:21

DP and I have been together for 3 years. I have a 5 year old DS from a previous marriage. It was a painful break up and I was treated pretty poorly, however, we are amicable for the sake of DS and he visits although I am very much his primary carer. DP and DS get on brilliantly and adore each other.
When I had DS, I had PND and vowed to myself that I'd never have another child but over the last year or so I've felt increasingly broody. DP has no children of his own and always indicated that one day he would probably like a child so we have been up and down about the idea, trying to make a final decision based on finances, work pressures etc.

Anyway, I've now got to the point where at 38 it's now or never and I'm keen but he has decided he doesn't want a child. DS and I are enough for him. It's knocked me much more than I imagined. It almost feels like a slight grief for the child I know I'm never going to have. Don't get me wrong - I know how lucky I am to have DS and I'm really focusing on the many positives of raising and being an only child but I feel very cold and distant towards DP. I'm not sure if or how long I'll get used to the idea. Has anyone been in a similar position? I'd appreciate any thoughts or advice.

OP posts:
something2say · 02/06/2013 21:36

I haven't but will hold your hand, or pass you wine, while we wait for someone else our age to turn up....

EllaFitzgerald · 02/06/2013 21:45

I'll hold your other hand as I can't even imagine how sad you must be feeling. Has he given any other reasons?

butterflyroom · 02/06/2013 21:55

Thanks Something and Ella.

He says he's happy with the way things are. I don't think he wants to rock the boat as we are just about secure financially and both work full time (although he works shifts which would help). I hate to say it but although he can be wonderful and kind (especially with DS), he does have his own ambitions and interests and percieves that a child would have a somewhat negative impact. Realistically, life will change.

I feel so cold towards him and can't go near him physically at the moment which he's finding hard. I think I need to accept it but I'm going to need time to get my head around a future family life his way.

OP posts:
EllaFitzgerald · 02/06/2013 22:56

That's understandable, especially as you'd been under the impression that he hadn't ruled out having a child with you.

I really don't know what to say that will be of any use to you, but you're allowed to be sad Flowers

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