Genuine request to be told AIBU or not!

[cherrypez]

Okay so I am quite happy to be told if I am being unreasonable here...in fact I would welcome it, to drag me out of my sulk lol.

So, DP, kids and I were invited to a BBQ yesterday. It was the party of his friend, who I don't know, and the DC had a friend's bday party invitation for the same start time. I said I would happily take the DC to their party and he could then hang out with his mates. We have both had this week off work, done nice things as a family etc, so I was happy to do this.

He said great, but he wanted to take me to the cinema as we had hypothetically discussed before invitations came about, so how about we go after the BBQ to the late showing once DC are in bed (he has 17 yo neice who happily babysits for time in a house with Wi Fi!)?

My response was a tentative ok, as I know that when he gets with friends and starts drinking there is no point arranging anything afterwards or even the next day. I was cool with this. He insisted, no, we are going. Neice happy to babysit.

Late Friday my best friend texts and says let's go out for dinner Saturday with the DC...a plan we had meant to do in half term but not got around to. I said again to DP, why don't I go out with friend as you won't be back for cinema. He got quite humpy, insisted we were going.

So, sorry for the essay, but I think you can guess what happened. Neice and I twiddle our thumbs, gets to nine o'clock and kids and I drive her home, went to bed 1am, DP still not home.

I got up at 8, went out at 12, he was still snoring, have been polite but cool towards him since I went home, feel somewhat childish and petty to be pissed off....am I? Truly and honestly, AIBU?

I don't think you are. It's pretty inconsiderate behaviour on his part. Next time if I were you I'd just make my own plans and tell him you're not up for the cinema this weekend. That way you're not waiting around for him in case he's a no show. I'd actually be really peed off in the situation you've described if that helps!

No you are not BU, he is.

And I wouldnt remain cool towards him, I would be open and honest and tell him you are pissed off as you said many times to stay with his mates and you would go out, but he let you down.

Arrange your own thing next time

You are not being unreasonable.

You need to sit him down and say exactly what you wrote and that you will not again sit and wait for him if you are given an alternative offer.

He can grump or not but he lets you down and it is unacceptable.

Hell no YANBU. I would be freaking livid with him! You could have had a nice night out with your friend but instead sat in with his niece twiddling your thumbs waiting for him. He has some major sucking up to do.

YANBU.... I would be unimpressed... has he apologised ?

You are not being unreasonable at all. He's been really selfish and thoughtless. I wouldn't hesitate to call him on it.

Thankyou :) I was honestly happy for him to go get drunk with his buddies, I was more than happy to go out with my friend, and would rather have gone out to the cinema on an evening when he hadn't been drinking so he could drive .

Of course YANBU. It's disrespectful and inconsiderate, and as an adult he knows damn well it is. The rest of us would either be mindful that we have plans with loved ones and make sure we keep to them, or not make plans in the first place - why can't he?

And no, he hasn't apologised, he's doing that really annoying creepy thing of talking to me through the children...''Mummy's cross with Daddy, isn't she DS?''...''Doesn't Mummy make the best toast, DS?''...Uggggh!!

I would be fuming.

No, you are in no way BU. I'd be seriously pissed off, especially as you were happy to postpone your cinema plans and it was he who insisted that you didn't.

Oh and I've underplayed how pissed off I am that he has let his neice down too. She is an absolute star who is happy to babysit anytime, but she has a life too, and could have been out on a Sat night, not having lego men put in her shoes!

You need to speak directly to him once DC are in bed I think. Not fight but let him know you're pissed off. Don't lower yourself to his indirect childish communication methods.

Cherry's DP you are a thoughtless arse. You owe DN babysitting money and a large apology.

You owe Cherrypez a trip to the cinema and a night out when stone cold sober and you grovel for babysitting.

Those of us who have no nice DNs and can get babysitters twice a year if we are lucky have no sympathy at all.

As a starter, I'd be telling him to stop the whole talking to you through the children thing. It's manipulative and draws the children into something they don't need to be involved in.

Then I'd be inclined to show him this thread, tell him he's a selfish, inconsiderate arse and that next time this happens, he can get as humpy as he likes because you'll be making your own plans in the knowledge that he can't be relied upon!

I would have expected a text from him letting you know what his intentions were TBH. I'm the most chilled out person when it comes to it, but I would have been pissed off with a lack of consideration on this one. It's not even as if you've ever given him ball-ache in the past that he may have been 'scared' to text you. I would arrange a girls night out at the flicks and lots of wine and leave him to babysit.