He's left me

[Ls271082]

My bf off a year and half has just left me stating I can't give him what he needs and gone back to his ex wife. By this he means talking to my ex husband (who I was married to previously for 4 years) about selling the house we own together. He says I've never picked him over my ex and I've begged and pleaded with him, saying I love him, it's him I want and I will have the conversation when I'm ready. But it's not enough. I told him I haven't done it yet because of pregnancy (25weeks) and don't want the stress of all that and I'm also struggling with prenatal depression (on medication and receiving psychiatric support weekly) so just have not felt able to deal with sorting out house, finances. Have explained this to bf and rightly so I guess, he just stated 'what was your excuse before you we're pregnant'. He says he knows I'm not holding on because I want ex husband back but has left anyway saying he's sad he's wasted a year and half of his life with me, neglecting his own son (from previous marriage). Am totally heartbroken, he's always going on about how stress can cause ADHD etc in unborn children and he's gone ad caused me the most stress ever. He's not blocked my mobile number, blocked fb and twitter and completely cut me out of his life. I'm devastated. Crying non stop, I don't want to spk/see anyone and can't see how I'll ever get over this. Friends have said focus on pregnancy and doing best by her, but can't cope with life atm. He's finished with me countless times but never gone back to ex or blocked me etc and I've always took him back. I just really want him back.

Every time he's finished with me before after a few days he's texts saying he loves me and can't be without me. He's said that this time before he left but just said he can't keep hanging on waiting for me - tried to tell him he's not waiting. Just because vie not sorted house or spoke to ex doesn't mean I don't want him, love him etc, he just said he's sick of waiting

Genuine people do not try to bully their partner's into doing anything.

This is confusing. How did you know eachother before he 'left his wife for you' but 'nothing happened' until he did?

Can you define 'nothing'?

What difference would it make to him if you sort the house or not?
What's in it for him? Apart from the feeling he would get from knowing you had done as he had asked.

You didn't do what he wanted on his terms. If his ex has had him back I think she is more of a 'do what he wants' type of woman.

He has been very unreasonable.

Even though you didn't do anything wrong and there was no overlap he still jumped from her to you because he thought you had something to offer that she didn't.

Also has he really just walked back in with his wife after a year and a half without a single conversation about it with her or knowing she would have him back? Don't think so somehow.

You are so much better without a man who makes you feel guilty for not being ready to sort things at anything other than your own pace. Especially when pregnant.

I do wonder if he was expecting funds from a house sale for some reason also.

So he's finished with you countless times, all the while telling you that you mustn't get stressed as it might harm the baby, he's admitted to neglecting his son and now, when you need him most of all, he's shut you out of his life and gone back to his wife? Not exactly covering himself in glory here.

I'm wondering whether he's one of those people who are always thinking the grass is greener somewhere else. You were free and single with no ties and a potential financial settlement coming your way when you met him. Now you're having a difficult pregnancy and that settlement is no closer. I also wonder how he behaved towards his wife when he left her to begin a relationship with you and whether there were any red flags in his behaviour that you may have picked up on.

ignore the trolls hun. trust me when i say that their sham of a marriage wont last. women dont forget what arses like him do to hurt them. itll play on her mind day in day out. whos that hes talking to? is that a hint of a tint of a trace of perfume on his coat? well hes done it once.
itll nip nip nip away at the back of her mind and slowly destroy the scraps left of their relationship. its sad for the suffering families/kids but thats what hes brought on himself.

focus on your baby and bringing it up to be completely different to that, in time, karma will come back n bite him in the face. clearly you deserve much better than that.

Very sorry you are distressed. Keep eating/drinking/resting. You are vulnerable and scared but that baby inside you depends on you alone.

If he is in the habit of threatening to go he knows how upset you'll be. If he comes back you will be spending the rest of your life keeping him sweet. I may be old-fashioned but in my day getting pregnant by a partner was a pretty clear indication he is #1 not your ex. I too think he was rather hoping you'd put money into the family pot - walking out on you at over 6 months' pregnant is pretty cold-blooded. I agree he was maybe more in touch with his 'ex' wife than he led you to believe.

You have been open here with us. You mention friends. Do you have family you can contact? What you need to do is act like he isn't coming back - make plans, firm up help and support.

If he neglected his son by first marriage can you say hand on heart that here is a man you trusted to stay faithful and keep your baby close? He isn't much of a catch imo. Whatever you do don't beg him to come back or make rash promises.

women throw their lot in with men like this ?

and expect a different outcome ?

you will be waiting a long, loooooooong time

seriously, no man is worth this

Bloody hell love, I'd be popping around to his ex wives house for a cuppa and a chat. You two can work together and nail this bastard if you play it properly.

Why on earth did his wife want him back? He sounds like a tosser. Wouldn't mind betting she doesn't really and he'll come running back to you in a couple of weeks ... until he meets the next 'perfect' person...

Thank you for all your advice. I know he's been horrible but I just miss him so much am desperate to hear off him

He's trying to force you to have that conversation...whatever it is.
This is a man who wishes to control.

You really really really do not want him back.

And she had him back?

Not worth the pain. There are good guys out there, I promise. I don't think you've found one yet.

He finished with you countless times, then crawled his way back in, he has gone back to his ex, and he's blaming you about the sale of a house.
It sounds like an excuse, as he has probably found out that the grass was not greener the other side. Sorry.

You should work on moving on, not hope he goes back.

I caught my ex having an online affair when I was pregnant with number three, we'd been married seven months at that point.
What then followed was 10 years of meh at best and dreadful destructive behaviour on both sides making us both miserable all because I didn't have the confidence to leave even when he gave me cause to over and over again.
If you win this "prize" you'll never be happy with him.
Delete his number and you take control, decide you don't want him any more and it'll be like the weight of the world off your shoulders.

Update - still missing him like crazy. He text me last Wednesday making shitty conversation (think it was an excuse o text) and we had a bit of text chat. Then he phoned, we ended up having a row and ended up saying goodbye properly :( I saw him thurs (we work for same company and he'd returned after training) and I'd made a special effort to look fab. He saw me, ignored me in office and then in evening text saying how 'untroubled' and properly pregnant, we started textin a bit and mostly started by him. Also his wife is anyway and has been for the past week. Anyway last night out of blue he phoned we were chatting for half hr until he said gotta go in a rush and put phone down ( can only assume his wife was back). What do u thinks going on?

Oh and I'm still blocked so can't phone him!

He's fucking with you AND his wife.

Do you really need us to tell you what is going on? He wants a bit of you on the side with his wife as the main course.

Please stop interacting with him and feeding into his ego. You will get over him faster with no contact.

He contacted you when his wife was absent. Do you really want to be a dirty little secret he hangs up on in a rush so you are not found out about. He has ensured you cannot contact him and cause any trouble with his wife.

I don't think he ever left his wife TBH. THis is a man who sees women as facilities, interchangeable, playthings. He quite likes playing you and his wife off against each other, reckoning that he can bring each of you to heel by running off to the other one at the drop of a hat. Also, he's after your money.

Cut him off, look after yourself, get some sort of counselling or self help books about why yu are so desperate to be in a relationship that you'll put up with an arsehole like this man.

You don't miss him. You are missing an imaginary person who looks like him and sounds like him, but unlike him is a nice person and good partner.

That person does not exist.

He is behaving like an arsehole. Your life will be fuller and happier with this guy out of the picture.

Sorry.