Irrational jealousy???

[Allinuse]

What on earth is wrong with me. I keep feeling madly jealous of the young woman who is my BF's landlady s daughter. There is a twenty year age gap between her and us and obviously I feel I could never compete, though I shouldn't be feeling I need to compete

Nothing major has happened to cause this except for her texting a few times and ringing once whilst he was staying at mine apparently about the cats ( I did see one message) it annoys me that he he describes her as a friend, personally I wouldn't describe a male twenty years younger than myself as a friend but perhaps I'm just showing my age now. I have a daughter her age whereas BF children are much younger

I just keep imagining more has gone on and who knows what happens when they are alone. I'm aware I sound a bit mad saying this and I don't by any means feel like this all the time, just when I feel hormonal or down. Any thoughts please

You don't seem confident in your relationship.

I am confident he loves me and wants to be with me but I suppose I have trust issues. I know he's a flirty type or he was. I remember what he was like towards me before we became a couple, the messaging the phone calls, the pushing for my number ect and think well can people change.

I have a feeling he enjoys ego boosts and attention

Are you generally a jealous person? Do you mistrust people in other walks of life? Naturally cynical or suspicious? My feeling is that, especially as this man has a track record of being a flirty type, your jealousy is probably not all that irrational. It may be a little overblown and it may reflect your insecurity but if there's something about the calls, texts and his reaction to them that made you uncomfortable on some level, then don't ignore it. IME there's usually a good reason behind a bad feeling.

I think I probably am a jealous person and quite insecure in all walks of life. Something to do with my childhood I think. He does have a track record of being flirty however he would call it friendly and finds it very hard to understand why I start arguments over things sometimes.

We have been together a few years and its not so bad as it used to be but he still gets really annoyed. His reaction to her txts hasn't been particularly suspicious although now I suspect if he received one he would keep quiet about it.

I don't really know what I'm asking other than just getting it out of my system after a disagreement this morning with me questioning him for no reason other than he's gone back to his after staying at mine. I guess I'm just feeling really low

Sounds like you need to have quite a serious chat about this. I never think it's a good idea to tell someone to park their suspicions and just blindly 'trust more' because, even if you are insecure, a considerate partner would take that into account and be reassuring and careful to be quite open about things rather than going on the defensive & getting annoyed. 'Trust more' - if a partner actually is pulling the wool over your eyes - would be foolish.

Is there any sense that you are over-dependent on this man for your feelings of self-worth? Do you have other things in your life that make you feel happy and confident?

I have told him that him becoming secretive as in having phone on silent ( though he does leave it around) makes me worse but he denies he's secretive on one hand yet on the other says " can you blame me when you are always accusing me" . So he's not helping is he?

Not sure if its possible but am not sure if he's set phone for texts not to show when they come through. There are so many other apps as well such as whatsapp which I see messages from friends on.

My confidence is at an all time low at the moment as am having horrible time at work which is affecting my health so all in all in a bit of a muddle

No, he's not helping. Saying " can you blame me when you are always accusing me" is a bit like saying 'can you blame me for lying when you get annoyed at the truth'.... not a particularly good defence.

Which is why I think you need to talk honestly with him. If he's not happy about the level of openness and reassurance you need, rather than seeing it as some kind of personality problem on your part, maybe it just means he's not the right person for you? Not everyone is emotionally equipped to handle a relationship with a 'flirty type'.