New relationship, possible pregnancy

[MinnieSmith]

Well, I'm really hoping I'm way off the mark here but...

I've been seeing someone for a few months but it's still a very new relationship. So far everything has gone swimmingly, we get on really well and I fancy the pants off him. If things carry on this way I can see our future together, but it's still early days and we don't really know each other totally yet. I have a DS (5) and he doesn't have any children. He hasn't met DS yet as I've been wanting to take things slowly and I wasn't planning for that to happen for some time.

I was talking about being permanently hungry to a friend recently and she asked me if I could be pregnant as that was the first sign she noticed when she was pregnant. I thought about it afterwards and I have had a few other 'symptoms' which could be pregnancy related. I might be being paranoid and it could be complete coincidence. If by any slim chance I was pregnant obviously it's an accident. I'm in my 40s and I didn't think I wanted any more children.

But if it turned out that I was pregnant and if I decided I wanted to keep the baby, I wondered if anyone could give me any advice about the best way to deal with everything for DS's sake. Has anyone been through similar and how did you make it work?

Thank you.

I think you are over thinking things. POAS and worry about all this when you know.

Does POAS mean what I think it means?

POAS pee on a stick. Do that first you are putting the cart before the horse.

Arf January. I am an overthinker by nature.

I know what you're saying but I'd like to have a plan of sorts in my mind before I POAS just in case it is positive so I don't completely freak out. Even though chances are it's negative.

I was in your position a couple of years ago. Met DP a year after breaking up with long term ex, and hit it off immediately. Seven months in, just when we're making plans to move in etc, I find out I'm not only pregnant, I'm 18 weeks pregnant. So now we have a wonderful 13m dd, and have just celebrated our two year anniversary. It was a shock and we both feel like we would have wanted more time on our own as a couple first, but that's life! If you're right for each other then this will be amazing. Good luck :-)

You do need to POAS asap, exactly because you tend to over thinking.

One step at a time: how long ago was your last period and are you generally regular? (ie is it time to test, have you already missed one).

Then you need to consider - if you are pg - whether you are going to continue. Only when you have considered that fully, for yourself and together with DP, do you need to work out what to tell DS. You have plenty of time, and will (I hope) get good advice from here.

But you do need to begin by testing: procrastinating isn't going to change anything or help you.

My last period started just over two weeks ago - but it was a bit late (I'm not totally regular but know when it's due within a couple of days) and it was a bit odd. Not sure how exactly but it was different to normal and stopped very abruptly which it doesn't normally.

I've started taking the mini pill and the nurse recommended that i do a test to rule out pregnancy - this is due next weekend. So I think I will do it then and I'll be seeing DP then too so if in the unlikely chance it is positive we can discuss it together. I will think about how I feel for the next few days too so I am prepared either way.

Thanks for the advice.

Might i add another piece of advice - use a condom!

Thanks LEM. We did.

you are probably not pregnant then - but, saying that, i also used a condom when i conceived DD1!!

I honestly don't think it sounds like you are pregnant though - but just POAS, you'll know!

yy, POAS- this happened to friends of mine after six weeks together (she already had an older DC)... They are now, years later, married and very happy.

I dont mean to sound harsh but realistically you are in your 40s you are on the pill AND you used condoms you have had a period very recently and your main symptom is that you are hungry? pregnancy is possible but not very likely. Is it possible that you have found a nice man and are projecting being a little broody?

January yes, I do realise I might sound a little mad. And yes, it is very possible that I am projecting! I'm surprised though as I wasn't aware of feeling broody at all. In fact if you'd asked me before I started thinking about it I'd have been horrified at the thought of being pregnant at my age.

In my defence, my only symptom isn't being hungry - I'm also peeing a lot, have sore boobs, a bloated and stretched feeling abdomen and a feeling bordering on indigestion - all which seem vaguely familiar from last time I was pregnant. And last time I was pregnant I had symptoms almost immediately and I did a few tests before it showed up positive. And there was an accident with a condom before I started taking the pill.

Maybe it's a phantom pregnancy. Or a reaction to the mini pill

When I POAS I will update you.

Well with a bit more info that does make it a little more likely that it looked

No one can tell you halow he might react or if it will all work out like a fairytale. It might work, it might not. The only thing that you can be sure of is that you would cope. You are already a single Mum so you are already doing it.

Good luck. I hope you get the result you want. Whatever that is

POAS then you can worry about what to say. Telling him now won't help tbh, as every month you could have this whilst the new pill settles down.

Why don't you call the nurse at the gp and ask about mini pill reactions? And find out when you should be testing just in case.

And carry on as you are, use condoms and get to know him a bit more. Not just pillow talk:)

If you are, your ds will most likely be fine, and you can still take it slowly, you don't have to get married, move in together etc until you are ready.

It doesn't end well in my experience! I was seeing a lovely (or so I thought) guy for 5 months. He dumped me out of the blue last Saturday night and last Tuesday I found out I was pregnant. He doesn't want to know. And he says I'm ruining his life by keeping the baby. But termination wasn't an option for me due to previous experience! So I'm going it alone as a single parent must be bloody mad

laura I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. He obviously wasn't lovely at all - not sure how you keeping the baby is ruining his life. Good luck with it all. Is this your first baby?

I had a quick chat with the nurse and it appears that my 'symptoms' might be mini-pill related so until it's time to POAS I'm going with that. Will update you when I know for sure what my outcome is.

Thanks for the update Minnie :) you can relax now!

Laura, don't know what to say, except congratulations on your pregnancy. Sorry your ex dp isn't as supportive as you might have hoped.

I fell pregnant after 5 months with DP, we've now been together for 5 years :)

I don't know how you can wait though, I would have POAS as soon as the thought entered my head!

It's nice to hear some positive stories.

I'm only waiting because I know from when I got pregnant with DS that even though I knew I was pregnant I kept testing and kept getting negative results because I was testing too early. So I am going to wait until my period would officially be due and test then - there's no point getting a negative result now if I might still be pregnant and won't know until the 'right' time anyway.

I am really impatient to do it though and keep veering between terror and excitement at the thought of being pregnant. I have no idea how new man would feel - I would imagine nearer the terror end!