Do you name call your partner?

[Lovingmybabiesbottom]

Called my DH a 'fat twat' this morning. I feel awful. He antagonised me hugely though, but no excuse. Worried what this sayes about our relationship in terms of lack of respect.

That's awful. Have you apologised?

I never call DH names. I might say something like 'that was selfish of you' but I would never call him by an offensive term. I think you're right to worry about the level of respect in your relationship. Does this happen often? Does he call you names too?

I don't. I think you are right and you should give it a bit of thought.

Never. In 6 years, either of us. Including currently going through a divorce after his cheating. To my friends, I have used every personal insult under the sun, to let off steam. But never to each other - I wouldn't stand for it, so I won't give it out.

I never call him any names. I might say '' that's stupid/silly/ whatever" but wouldn't attack him personally by using insults

I don't know about respect but a relationship featuring a combination of antagonism and insults doesn't sound very happy. As a one-off I'd hope everyone could apologise and resolve to hold back from both the antagonising behaviour and the name-calling in future. If it's a regular occurrence, you've got problems.

I expected this to be about calling each other saucy names in the bedroom.

I'd be interested to know the context of you calling him a fat twat.

There could well be an excuse, depending on what he had said and done to you.

It doesn't make your relationship sound great though.

sometimes in jest but only when we are alone (ie not on front of DC who wouldn't understand yet that its a joke as its normally part of a bigger reference)
never in anger. I totally understand the lack of respect thing

I would never call him fat because we're both a bit overweight and both a bit sensitive about it.

I probably call him a twat about a thousand times a day though (and him me). We never mean it, it's all very good natured. If one of us needs some money from the other they are a bloodsucking shrew, if one of us goes out to buy shopping when they come back they ask the other 'how does my blood taste'. I'm frequently a bitch wife and he is often a tyrannical bastard. I even have actions so I can call him a tyrant or evil, cruel or nasty from a distance or when we're with other people.

Neither of us are any of these things. It's just funny. We try and outdo each other with ridiculous insults. Really need to stop it before the baby can talk :)

How did he respond? Was he upset? Or given his antagonism beforehand, was there an element of satisfaction, or superiority?

And what Cog said.

Thanks so much for your responses. Definitely given me a lot of food for thought. DH is in the shower ATM, waiting for him to get out AK I can profusely apologise. It is ridiculous, he is not far at all, and not a twat either. The context was a dreadful night with our baby and toddler. Seriously sleep deprived. No excuse though, and your responses have made me realise that I should not accept it as no big deal.

Never, we don't argue that much anyway.

Name calling is a slippery path. My Mum told me she called my Dad a fat pig just before he was diagnosed with cancer. I wanted to cry. I would only say that to someone's face if I really hated them.

Do you hate your DH?

We call each other with names but with a playful way. We never mean it and love each other to millions but sometimes we have a competition who can come up with the most horrible name for an other lol its a good fun lol

Yup, i don't hardly ever use his real names. The nicknames i use for him are rather random

But in a playful way not namecalling-that is wrong

We do name call in jest - my favourite is 'meanie' while his is 'stinker'

It's never something we do in anger though.

It is very rare, first time when we were dating and then maybe it will pop out once every few years:
When/if dh does something that is controlling, passive agressive, etc and I want to call him on it in the moment, I will call him a Rude Beast. He is a good bloke though and when ever he hears that, he knows he has gone too far and will apologize. It is more of a boundary indicator than a personal attack/insult.

The day to day stuff: I'm his Young Bride , we have been married 23 years, but I am two years younger than he is. If he is being awkward in a funny way, I have been known to call him Mr. Collins (Pride and Prejudice)...or Clark Griswald (Nationla Lampoon). Perhaps the Young Bride comes from the Bride of Frankenstein!!!

OP, when he is antagonizing you, it is hard to not say the first thing that comes to mind. Apologizing is good. It is not just about respecting him as your dh, but it comes around to communicating in a way that you can maintain respect for yourself.

Apologies for the original antagonising would be good too, of course. Maybe paired up with little thought - between you - on how you could avoid the same descent into unpleasantness another time. A retrospective 'what could we have done differently?'

Yes, I have, on the rare occasions I have really lost my temper. And apologized afterwards. Not ideal but I don't lose sleep over it. My husband storms off on these occasions, I shout a choice few words after him. I have come to accept we are like this, and just try to minimise it/not go in that direction, and try very hard to be as least argumentative as possible, but it still seeps through from time to time.

No and I don't name call people usually, either.

I only remember using words with twat exH (and he wa more than a twat) that were a reflection of his behaviour, and that was when I was really pushed and to see if he could realise how much he was hurting me.

Good on you for realising you were in the wrong and apologising.