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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I know I'm being an idiot but I'm feeling so sad

21 replies

Shinyshinyface · 31/05/2013 23:23

Just need a bit of sympathy but I already know I'm being silly and need to get over myself...

Last year I had a long distance relationship with a guy in the US which he ended and it totally broke my heart. Since then we've kept in touch by text, sometimes a bit flirty, usually just friendly.

Tonight he texted and said could I FaceTime for a minute...I was pretty surprised but what he wanted to tell me was that he'd met someone, he loved her, they were moving to LA together and he wasn't going to text me any more because he wanted to make things work with her.

Yep good, very sensible, right thing to do...only FGS why did he feel it necessary to say this to my face? I wish he had just quietly cut contact. I've been absolutely sobbing and feeling like shit ever since. I know I'm silly, it's been over for a while but it really has opened up the wounds of breaking up again. It hurts.

OP posts:

chocolatespiders · 31/05/2013 23:30

Horrible feeling... I guess it is lovely that he thought enough of you to say it to your face and didnt want you to find out by other means.

I had been casual with someone a few years back then we broke off for a few years then kind of back on Jan 2013. Then last week I see a pic of him on facebook all lovey dovey with a very pretty girl and talking about going away with her.

FFS we were only out for dinner together 6 weeks ago

pigsDOfly · 31/05/2013 23:34

Of course it hurts, which is why the whole 'let's still be friends' thing doesn't work for the one that has their heart broken. Of course the one ending the relationship wants to keep in touch because it's a bit of an ego trip to have someone wanting you even if you don't want them.

You're not silly, he's been selfish, unkind and cruel to have done this to you. Do you have anyone in RL you can talk to and cry to so you're not on your own?

Be kind to yourself. You will get over him, but if he ever wants to start texting you again just tell him to piss off.

butterflymeadow · 31/05/2013 23:34

that totally sounds like someone trying to do the right thing has totally done in the short term the wrong thing. I am guessing he thought it would be rude to let it tail off, which suggests he had some respect for your feelings, even though it feels painful. If he just cut contact, maybe part of you would always wonder. Now you can think of him as someone you loved, and when you feel better, moved on from. Long term, I think it is better to know.

hope you feel better soon.

Original poster

Shinyshinyface · 31/05/2013 23:40

Thanks for the kind words. No, no one in RL I can talk to really and trying to sob quietly so my DC can't hear me one floor down!

I guess he did think he was doing a really good thing but it has sliced me to bits again.

I have to get up really early tomorrow to go on a trip on my own and I'm feeling a bit anxious about it as it is. Part of me just wants to stay in bed all weekend.

OP posts:

chocolatespiders · 31/05/2013 23:44

Where are you going tomorrow?

Original poster

Shinyshinyface · 31/05/2013 23:49

Thanks for your message before Chocolate, I'm sorry about what happened to you,

Well it's a fun thing really, I'm travelling to see a gig but various plans fell through so I'm going on my own and staying in a hotel on my own and hopefully will meet up with a couple of people there but like I said I'd rather hide under the duvet at this point.

OP posts:

chocolatespiders · 31/05/2013 23:54

Shame some of the plans have fallen through for tomorrow. I would try and go at least it will take your mind off things, it is tempting to stay in bed when you feel like this.

It is an old cliche but life is there for the taking and this is not a dress rehearsal so try and get out there and you never know what new door may open

chocolatespiders · 31/05/2013 23:56

I have stayed in a hotel on my own and it was great having a room to myself. Take some nice bits (I can recommend Lush fresh face mask) to make you feel better. Some mags or a book and your fav treats and you will have a great time.

Original poster

Shinyshinyface · 01/06/2013 00:01

I know, you're right

Tonight it feels like the world has ended (again) but I'm sure I'll get over it.

When he called before I actually hung up on him...couldn't listen to any more. He's texted a few times, now saying he's got to go out but can he text me later

OP posts:

Original poster

Shinyshinyface · 01/06/2013 00:02

Oh those are lovely ideas, thanks!

OP posts:

Walkacrossthesand · 01/06/2013 00:12

I think he's being a bit mean, insisting on a FaceTime conversation to tell you he's found someone else so he wants to break off contact with you, and now wanting to carry on texting you because he's upset you...Could you send him a text saying thank you for letting me know, it's now best if you break off contact as he suggested, and wishing him well for the future? Then delete any further texts from him. You aren't responsible for making him feel happy any more - you now know the score and you get on with your own life and he with his.

Original poster

Shinyshinyface · 01/06/2013 00:19

I think it's mean too...and it's only serving to make himself feel better for whatever strange reason.

I'll be asleep probably anyway with the 6 hour time difference...and the that will presumably be that.

OP posts:

Walkacrossthesand · 01/06/2013 00:45

Send him the 'closing text' then turn off your phone and go to sleep - as you say, when you wake up it'll be late night there, and the time difference will make it easier not to get embroiled in a text dialogue that gets you nowhere. Hope you regain your equilibrium soon - I know what it's like when you've managed a fragile recovery from heartbreak and its knocked back again, but you do recover quicker than the first time, honest!

ninah · 01/06/2013 00:47

He sounds like a pompous ass. Delete him (say you met someone too, six months ago)

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/06/2013 08:11

I'll see your 'pompous ass' PP and I'll raise you an 'ego-centric tit'. I don't think he's been particularly thoughtful on this occasion. Yes, by all means tell the OP he's met someone new but ffs there's no need to labour the point with follow-up texts. That's just adding insult to injury

OP.... you'll live. Good luck

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 01/06/2013 08:43

I agree with Cogito. Why all the follow up texts? He is being unkind - probably revelling in the fact that he has hurt you. It may be an ego boost for him knowing that you are upset.

Just break off all contact once and for all.

FreakoidOrganisoid · 01/06/2013 08:51

I don't think he was wrong to facetime you. If he'd quietly disappeared you'd have had the pain of wondering and not knowing which would have been harder in the long run.

He shouldn't be texting you now though.

chocolatespiders · 01/06/2013 08:55

Hope you had a good sleep and are feeling better today.

The texts after are thoughtless.. Does he know you were upset by what he told you.

Mantella · 01/06/2013 09:04

You're not being an idiot. I agree with cutting contact. Maybe just text "goodbye, I wish you well but won't be texting again" then block him. Don't let him play with your mind anymore. Have a nice break at the gig & hotel.

Original poster

Shinyshinyface · 02/06/2013 09:04

Just want to say thanks again for everyone's responses.

Cogito, egocentric tit You're right, I did live.

I was just so angry at him for casually opening up those wounds again...he's perfectly aware how hard the break up was for me and it wasn't that long ago.

Anyway. So glad I got myself going yesterday because I had such a fun day and didn't think about him at all. I haven't texted because I have no idea when this no contact of his is supposed to begin
So I'll assume it's now and that's that.

OP posts:

chocolatespiders · 02/06/2013 13:08

Brilliant- So glad you had a good time

Keep those wounds closed it is the best thing to do and you will feel so much better for it

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