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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Having babies

12 replies

Boredinchippenham · 30/05/2013 20:09

Am I the only one whose husband seems to think,that because millions of women before me have had babies.that its nothing and routine and that I should just man up( his expression not mine) !

OP posts:

A1980 · 30/05/2013 20:50

That's insensitive of him :(

Some people do take it to extremes though. My friends.canceled on me tonight to go to her sisters up north.as she can't.cope with the nightmare with the baby at.the moment. Never mind the fact that her sister has a husband and her mother with her. I'm no expert but does it take 4 adults to care for a.baby.

Pinkflipflop · 30/05/2013 21:34

Have you had it?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/05/2013 08:17

"does it take 4 adults to care for a.baby."

It can be nice to have help ... :) But, like the proverbial broth, too many cooks, each with their own opinion about raising babies, can turn ordinary baby-related challenges into a really stressful situation if you're not careful

OP your husband is being crass & insensitive. Having a child does not automatically turn women into delicate flowers that have to lie down in a darkened room for nine months but it's not a cake-walk, there are some pretty common problems (I remember heartburn fierce enough to fell an elephant and being so tired I could have fallen asleep standing up), you need to take care of yourself & as your partner he should be conscious of that. 'Man up' is not acceptable.

Original poster

Boredinchippenham · 31/05/2013 12:31

Haven't had this one yet( due early July) have two year old girl also.
He's in afghan at moment as works away, no family close so just me.

OP posts:

SolidGoldBrass · 31/05/2013 13:21

Are you ill or in pain? Some pregnancies are harder than others (even for the same woman - if you had an easy PG with your first it's not a guarantee that the second will be just as straightforward). Also, if you have a two year old to look after you will be a lot more tired than you were last time.

Your H is not being very sympathetic. Is he usually like this? Or is it because his job leads to him having to be 'extra tough' (you say he's in Afghanistan, which suggests armed forces or at least auxiliary forces, and if he is seeing gruesome horrible stuff on a daily basis it might be what's making him unsympathetic.)

CogitoErgoSometimes · 31/05/2013 13:21

Well if he moans about his work or location in future you know what to say to him .... 'lots of people other than you do it so man up'.

Lweji · 31/05/2013 13:46

Put him in a pregnancy suit, then give him vomit inducing medication for 3 months.
Oh, and make him do housework and take care of a toddler.
Then tell him to man up.

KatAndKit · 31/05/2013 13:50

Having a baby turns your life upside down. Just because it is something that most of us choose to do at some point does not make the adjustment any easier. Also just because you aren't the first pregnant woman in the world ever does not mean any pregnancy illness you have is not real or should just be ignored. And anyway, as his wife, he should speak to you in a more loving way than he speaks to other armed forces personnel that he works with.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 31/05/2013 14:00

Beef up your support locally. Tell him your male midwife is lovely.

Original poster

Boredinchippenham · 31/05/2013 14:05

He's normally quite supportive , both pregnancy a have been awful ill all the time,you get the picture, also have scoliosis ( twisted spine) so can't have normal birth.i don't think it helps that his father ran off with another man so his mother had to cope on own ,so you can imagine( tales of giving birth and working straight away blah blah).

OP posts:

Original poster

Boredinchippenham · 31/05/2013 14:15

Was also quite depressed after birth of first child , I don't think he understood, although midwife spoke to him and he was better after.
I know his job is hard and he's away a lot .but I sometimes think he thinks I'm havering great time at home.

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 31/05/2013 14:46

The army comes first above family life. That doesn't mean he doesn't worry about you or wish he were with you. It suits him to think you are cherished and happy and safe. Naturally he will be missing you and DD but hides it so puts on a "lucky old you, life of riley" tone.

In reality running around after a 2 year old is no picnic, pregnancy takes it out of you even without scoliosis, you can't just have a duvet day whenever you like, where you lie around waiting to hear from him.

Although he's not exactly in a family friendly firm, you do need his support. Meanwhile is there something in the forces you can access like Homestart for civilians have? Could you approach army welfare?

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