Why is she doing this? I'm just trying to make sense of it.

[EleanorHandbasket]

Sorry if this ends up long.

I have been a childminder for years and for the past 3yfs I've looked after my two nieces. It's not been without its problems, my sister has at times treated me like her sole employee, been very dictatorial about activities, mealtimes, sleep times, is always and I mean always late picking up. But on the whole we are friends and get on well and I thought we all had each others best interests at heart.

Recently I came to the hard decision to stop cming, due to lots of factors, the impact on my own children being a big one. I talked it over at length with both my sisters, my youngest sister is registering as a childminder and will be ready to take over with my nieces when I start my new job.
She was also going to have my ds2.

Then, out of the blue, dsis1 called me and said, 'we've discussed it and decided that having your dc as well is too much, so dsis2 will only have my girls and you need to look elsewhere for childcare'.

I was initially very hurt by this (not least because dsis2 was going to charge me the same family rates I've always charged dsis1 so it was a financial hit), but have moved onand found very good alternative care with a friend of mine who is a cm. She couldn't do one of the days a week that I needed, which is the day my dsis1 doesn't work, so dsis2 OFFERED to have ds2 on that day every week.

Anyway. All is progressing and I haven't started my new job yet so we're still carrying on as we are. Dsis2 let slip yesterday that dsis1 said to her, 'why are you having ds2 one day a week, that's a stupid idea, you need a day off, you don't want to be working 5 days a week, tell her you can't have him'.

Why? I really don't understand why she's doing this? Dsis2laughed in her face, by the way and even my mum ttold her to stfu.

This is alongside comments like, 'well of course you'll get this job, it's only a shit sales job, they'll give it to anyone' and, 'how are you going to cope with work when you haven't worked for years?' (I work a 60 hour cm week plus paperwork and it is HARD).

I have never been anything other than completely supportive of her. I've let things wash over me for years, I've bent over backwards to help her. She seems hell bent on actually making mu life harder

She might think that about the kids but I'm not so sure. I think it's more a 'Hyacinth Bucket' situation personally. :) She's the one that's (in her eyes) superior and has made a success of her life - unlike the poor OP who takes in kids the way others take in laundry to make ends meet. It's suited her to date to give the OP the benefit of her largesse, paying her to look after the children & pretending to be friends but giving her the big runaround and taking the piss. However, the Lady Bountiful act was completely ruined when the OP decided to get above herself and make a better life for herself. How very dare she!!!!

hmm, well, I don't think it's envy. It's domineering imo. You shall obey! Or you pay!

there are some fucked-up people about!

not me of course

Just popping back to add some further thoughts to my post above.

So my theory is - your Sis thinks you are rejecting her DCs by taking another job and stopping being a CM

She says "how are you going to cope with work when you haven't worked for years?' [quote from your OP]

You say [also quote from your OP] "I work a 60 hour cm week plus paperwork and it is HARD"

This is another insult - she thinks. How dare you say looking after her DCs is HARD?? Are they not the most perfect children who ever walked the Earth??

So what does she do? She tells you that she and your other sister have "discussed it and decided that having your dc as well is too much,"

So, right back at you - YOUR DCs are hard work too. You are aware of course that it was your other sister's job to have told you of this decision, but, oh no, she had to do it. It was clearly something she wanted to do - to tell you that your DC is HARD to look after, like you told her about hers [she thinks]

And again, she tries to convince other sister not to have your DS for the one day because it's too much for her - again trying to get revenge for you daring to imply that having a job in an office is easier than looking after her cherubs who are so easy.

Oh that's awful. As a fellow cm I sympathise and hate all the emotional politics that come with it.

I would speak to your nice sister directly and ask her not to discuss you with the toxic sister.

just because she is family does not mean you have to socialise with he. Keep your distance, it will make you feel better in the long run.

I was going to post again but BalloonSlayer has pretty much said everything I was going to say in a much better way. I'll add that it's possible that it isn't personal - maybe she's worried that your other sister is getting rather tired of her tiresome ways and is hoping to deflect attention onto you so that her kids don't get dumped first. "oh, you look tired Dsis3, why don't you have a break and not mind Dsis2's son on Thursdays. Oh those terrible two's". She sounds a right PITA.