Unknown

[YoniBottsBumgina]

This is a total and utter non problem and I feel a bit embarrassed to post, but hoping someone can help me solve it/get a grip/stop being such a twat.

DP is abroad. I'm moving abroad soon to live with him. Everything great, etc etc.

It's my birthday in a few week and as it will be around 2 months since we've seen each other by that point, I suggested we meet up for a romantic weekend in Paris as it's about halfway between us. It worked out too expensive, so then DP started asking what I wanted instead as I think he felt bad about not being able to afford it, which us silly as I only suggested it half in fantasy anyway. Anyway I gave him a couple of ideas but said, really, don't worry about it. TBH we've never really done birthdays anyway for one reason or another, so I'm not sure why he's making it into a big deal.

Anyway. He suggested a spa day to me and I said thanks but no thanks, as it's not really my thing. Sounded like he was just going to send me some flowers/chocolates or something, which is great! Nobody ever buys me flowers or chocolates. I would be chuffed to bits to get either.

Then tonight I got a text from my friend about ths spa day and whether I wanted to go, and said that DP had said something really sweet about how he wanted my last birthday in England to be a special day. So I explained to friend that DP had already asked me and I'd declined, and suggested we use the child free afternoon to go shopping instead.

Great, right? All sorted. Except now it gets stupid, because DP starts going on about me picking something else to do and I'm all confused about what he means, until I twig that the present wasn't the spa day at all but wanting me to have a nice time/day doing something different or special, and so I've basically ruined his idea of making me a really fantastic day by saying, nah, your idea is rubbish, I'll sort my own day. So then I get what he was trying to do/organise and see that a spa might actually be quite fun, since the idea was to do something different. And even if I giggle through it rather than relaxing at least it would be fun. But instead of saying this, I got my words all mixed up and basically came across as an ungrateful bitch, and the more I tried to explain the more it looked like I was backpedalling. And he was being nice, but I think he was hurt and all of this was done over text, so impossible to read tone etc. In the end I just apologised, admitted I was in the wrong and said can we start from scratch in the morning? But I'm always doing this. I can't just accept a nice gesture as it is, I have to pick it apart and then it spoils it but I don't notice that I'm doing it until it's too late.

FFS I didn't mean to do a blank thread title either

Don't beat yourself up. It's really lovely that he's been so thoughtful but you're only human and you didn't fancy a spa. Honestly you shouldn't feel bad. You're clearly lovely and your equally lovely partner won't hold it against you. I hope you have a great time no matter what you do.

Thanks. I just have this horrible feeling that I've upset him now and that I shouldn't have gone to bed last night feeling like I had (shouldn't go to bed on an argument etc) and I feel like I've ruined it even though I would be happier shopping than spa-ing. And then another little voice is telling me I'm overthinking it and making it into a big deal when it isn't one. I don't want to keep badgering him because that seems more pestering than helpful!

If you'd already said to him 'thanks but no thanks' re the spa day then it was a bit weird for him to go ahead as if he knows what you like better than you know yourself. And now he's in a huff and you feel bad?
Unless you said something along the lines of 'spa day??? what kind of air-headed, bimbo twat do you think I am...wah wah...you don't know me at all...I hate spas and you should know that' then you've done nothing wrong.

Long distance relationships are hard aren't they? Have you always been apart or is this a relatively new separation? If its new, then it takes a while to re-adjust to it. If its an ongoing LDR then do you regularly end up feeling bad? And also, are you feeling nervous about moving abroad with him? Do you have any doubts about the relationship at all?

I don't think it's ever a good idea to text when you're unsure where you stand on a topic. It just amplifies the awkwardness and what started out as a simple conversation ends up with one or both parties feeling bad about it. Learn from it. If a text conversation starts to turn, just pick up the phone and talk. It's free with Viber, I think. Or better still, Skype/FaceTime each other.

Thanks all. Spoke to him yesterday and he was fine, I'd just been overthinking everything :o

Freedom he didn't, it's just that when he mentioned it to me he'd already arranged the details with my friend, whereas I thought it was just an idea, not all planned out. She didn't text me about it until after this.

LDRs are hard! It's been almost a year, and only a few months until DS and I move over. It was harder at the beginning but now I have no doubts and can't wait to move. The doubts (about moving) came at the start and we worked through them. I even know people out there now, which helps a lot. I do feel totally secure. It's very rare that this kind of misunderstanding happens and I think it's when I expect him to react to things like my ex (EA) would have done. We can't Skype or call at the moment because the (interney) connection is very bad.