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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling cornered in your marriage

3 replies

Wendyoo9 · 29/05/2013 22:34

Hi
Im new here.:)
Just looking for some advice really. Iv just got to the point in my marriage that Im just numb. So many crap or wierd or horrible things have happened over the years that if I had somewhere to run I would just take my dot and go.
Im so fed up with pretending everythings all right. Hes had sexaual probs, emotional and Im just so fed up I dont know what to do.
How do you leave when you have nowhere to go literally.
Sometimes I just get so miserable about the thought of this for the next 25 yrs.
Hes been diognosed with a anxiety dosorder but I think hes got a personalty disorder. My friends in my volunteering role say Im a good communicator so how comes I let him make me feel so crap about myself.
Also do you get an email to your email adress everytime someone replies as I dont want him to know Im posting on here.
Just so frustrated at the mo. Hes fine as a dad and as I dont have a job I spend all weekend cooking and cleaning while he plays super daddy to our dot. I do just feel like a skivvy. Hes never made any effort to sort out his probs and Im sure as hes v bright ( and controlling) he knows how I feel but hes just happy for things to stay the same.
So now if he can misconstrued things infront of our daughter then I look like Im being horrible to poor victim daddy. Then theres the fact he was sent to boarding school and how thats effected him. I am just so sick of this person. Iv bought him books, and done all the things nicey people do when their breaking their back trying to help someone.
And now Im just cornered and dont know how I get out of this mess.

OP posts:
Dahlen · 29/05/2013 22:41

The only thing stopping you is that you have nowhere to go. So you find somewhere to go. Ok, that's easier said than done, but you know what you have to do, so break it down into manageable chunks.

First of all, think about how you will finance a life away from him. CAn you get employment in any field? If so, however low paid, you will be ok as top-up benefits will take care of the shortfall. If you can't work, you will also qualify for benefits, which ok isn't ideal but it needn't be forever (and I'm pretty sure that if you can juggle an emotional vampire, a child and all the domestic stuff, you'll find being a single mother on benefits a doddle and will soon find yourself a job). If you don't know where to start with this, try this website or contact the CAB.

Having thought about that, the next step is to find somewhere to go. If need be, this can be a friend or family for a few weeks. Better would be a flat of your own choosing, even if that's far smaller and in a less-desirable area than normal - again, it's not forever, only while you find your feet. If that isn't an option because of finances, your local council have a statutory option to house you in an emergency situation, though be aware that this may be B&B initially. Or, you could ask your H to leave...

Good luck.

Wendyoo9 · 29/05/2013 23:03

The benefits calculator is v helpful. Thanks for that.
I dont have anyone to stay with. My dots at a nice school and I want her to stay their.
My life at the moment is like wading through treacle or walking on egg shells. He even jumps and shakes in bed keeping me awake, I would love to have my own bed. Then gets up at five every morning. Its so difficult when you dont have family to turn to. I have some friends but no one living in the right area whos in the position to help.
Thanks for the sizeable chunks suggestion as well. I get so overwelmed by it all sometimes.:)

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 29/05/2013 23:11

You don't get an e-mail every time someone posts on your thread, don't worry. But if you don't want him to know you're on here, make sure you log out (and maybe clear browser history) every time you visit.

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