Do I owe him spousal support?

[SlittySluttySlots]

I have namechanged as H knows my other one but wouldn't want him to find this. Hope I don't out myself!

H was SAHP to our 2 DC but left at New Year as he didn't know who i was anymore, had been miserable for months and loved me but wasn't in love with me. Out of the blue and he is now with someone else who i strongly suspect he was cheating on me with

He no longer looks after the children full time but does have both one full day a week and DS (1) for two other days. This is in addition to one overnight a week and every other weekend. So, in short - more than a lot of NRP's i guess.

He is still unemployed but looking for work and claiming JSA. I just wonder if legally he is entitled to some sort of financial support from me. I get all the tax credits and child benefit but am obviously now using childcare where i didn't before which is expensive. I also provide him with everything he needs for them for the days ie lunch, nappies, spare clothes and pay for anything they need day to day ie shoes, haircuts, new underwear - well, you get the picture.

I just don't know if I'm being fair. I was giving him money when he was continuing to have the kids more but i just can't afford it now. I often think if the roles were reversed, he would be expected to pay me. I then think - he chose to leave giving me no warning, he immediately 'found' a new girlfriend & is living rent & bill free whilst i struggle on... But am I being spiteful because he hurt me so badly & I should help him..?

I know i should get proper legal advice and will do at some point but some advice would be welcome!

Sorry but bump

I would say that as you have them more nights and equal weekends he should be paying you.

I think you are being over generous with the extras you provide.

I wouldn't think he was entitled to extra for himself on top as you are putting the DC into care other days.

Also who is going to pay the additional child care when/if he does get a job.

No idea about the legalities though sorry.

are you married? This make a HUGE diference....

You don't pay a man for looking after his own children.

I'm sure that as a working mum you can find much better things to feel guilty about!!!

i'm not clear on the split of childcare. Who has them most? If he was the SAHP why is he not still a SAHP with you paying maintenance for the kids? Would you not be better off as a 'family' if he had the

Him leaving you is immaterial.

Oh, you say if it was the other way round he would be expected to pay you. If that is correct, I don't know if it is because of my confusion above, then yes you should be paying him.

sorry that was meant to be if he got child benefit and tax credits and he looked after them full-time as before?

CSA is calculated based on overnight contact, so if your ex is only having them 2 nights per week on average, then no, you shouldn't paying maintenance or child support.

I think you are being more than fair, by providing for your children even when they are in their father's care.

Do get legal advice. The concept of spousal maintenance has almost gone by the board in recent years. Usually partners split assets 50/50 and the NRP pays maintenance for any children. But the idea of on-going support for another able-bodied adult tends to be something that only applies to the very wealthy.

Correction for 'partners' read 'married couples'.... unmarried 'partners' are entitled to the square root of bugger-all. :)

Ongoing support can be requested whilst the SAHP retrains and gets back on their feet but i can't imagine he can claim that whilst cocklodging somewhere else tbh.

Any claim to spousal support will be affected by him co-habiting with another adult. Child support will not.

Similar to my situation, for which I have already received advice for, but no time to write! No you don't owe him extra support, will write more later on.

Mine wasn't a SAHD, more refused to get a job. I work full time, he was not entitled to benefits as I earnt above the threshold. I therefore paid him money for his own expenses as well as paying for everything in the house.

Since we've split up, my solicitor has confirmed I am not required to pay him spousal maintenance (and it's not written into our draft financial settlement). He claims benefits as a single person, and that is for his expenses. He's a grown up, and responsible for his own costs.

Is there a risk he could try to get residency of DCs, as that could obviously change the situation?

In terms of child support - legally speaking he should be paying you child maintenance, although obviously it would be minimal (£5 a week I think?) as he's on benefits.

Like you, I continue to contribute towards DD's expenses when she is staying with him - I've taken the view that it's important for her to spend time with him, and I wouldn't want her not to be able to go because he couldn't afford to feed her. There's an argument for doing what's needed to hold your head high, which sometimes is in excess of what you're required to do legally.

HTH.

Thank you all for your messages. Just to confirm, we are married, well obviously separated now. Sorry if i confused matters but he is living with his mum at the moment

It seems the majority opinion is that i am doing enough which is what i thought but i have obviously never been here before so had no idea... I am nowhere near very wealthy - scraping by and able to cope but only with the tc & cb. I have used the "I'm not paying you to look after your own children" line but at the same time, i want them to be able to do stuff & make memories with him!

Perhaps he should have the children but also & perhaps unfairly, I feel I`ve lost my marriage, why should i lose my children too - selfish maybe but i feel my DC are better with me (own bedrooms, close to schools, more stability?!) but i don't know.

Anyways, am going to get advice specific to my situation but thank you for taking the time to reply.