Upset about been brushed with the same brush, is it a mothers thing?

[EvenHotGirlsFart]

Right, this my first thread. I just need some guidance and help. Maybe I shouldn't be feeling like this, but I'm really upset.
My parents in law like to treat all their 3 sons usually the same, fair enough, I can understand that, been a mother myself too.
We are going on a holiday to a Vila, and there's 4 bedrooms, but only 3 have on suite bathroom, all the family is going
So one of the bedroom is for the parents in law
The other is for the oldest son and his partner who have a small baby (9monthsold) , fair enough.
And I was thinking they were going to offer the last on suite bedroom for us , im married to his middle son with a 3years old Dgd.
But no they said to toss a coin to see who's going to get the last good bedroom.
His younger brother is not married doesnt have a child but he's taking his girlfriend and her son who's 9 years old to the holiday.
Now please help, I said to husband that's not fair I'm not one of her sons and I don't like to be brushed by the same brush like that, I'm over 30 with a small girl, not a child. He said I'm been unreasonable.
Am I really. Please put some sense on me then. Because I feel really upset.

Tarred with what brush though?

As in, you are married and are therefore more important? Or is it because BIL's girlfriend has a child from a previous relationship and you have, presumably, a child with their son and should be treated better?

Sorry I still don't get it. Do you not want to be tarred by the same brush as the unmarried girl?

OP- "tarred with the same brush" means being judged in a negative way in the same way that somebody else is. Is that what you meant to imply?

Or, from your OP you seem to be saying that you should be treated as an adult (which somehow means you should have an en suite) while the younger brother and his GF should be treated as children (so given the less good room)? Aren't all of you grown ups? Surely no-one is being treated like a child, or should be (except the children!).

No , my Bil is a really nice person but been in a relationship for far longer than his wich he keeps on saying he wants to leave. It made me feel a bit funny

So because you've been in a relationship for a longer period of time than your BIL you should get the en suite bathroom?

In the nicest possible way, you need to get a grip. You will not suffer for having to use the main bathroom.

Yes, I can see now. Thanks everyone. It will be just fine, I'll get a grip :)

Enjoy your holiday

Bonkers thread

Well, if the GF may be on the way out, all the more reason for the parents to be scrupulously fair, nice to her and not make her feel like a second class participant in the holiday. You'll still be around to get a nice room next time.

In my experience holidays with family always end badly so may aswell have a big bust up before you go, get it over and done with.

Be grateful you don't have an ensuite bathroom unless your DH does floral smelling poos.

I think you are over thinking this.

Thanks pancake , it's a good way of thinking as husbands number2 are way too smelly.
I never said I hate anyone. Is quite the opposite, otherwise I'd be trying to say my thoughts to them doesn't matter if hurted someone.

I think your just disappointed that you didnt get the ensuite Even, which is fair enough to feel disappointment. But, you`ll still have a lovely holiday so I would try to forget it and enjoy yourself.

I don't think I could stand the flipping a coin situation. I'd let them have the en suite and say we'd take the final room.

I wonder really if this situation isn't about the en suite though. Did you say that your brother-in-law has spoken about leaving his partner? What do you and your husband think about that?

It'll be fine! ensuites are over-rated. People are mad for them but I think they are in love with the idea of them rather than the reality.

Vivacia I also can't stand the coin situation and will politely say no to that and they can have the room, me thinks
Me and my husband thinks that's wrong but if he doesn't like her anymore, don't mislead her , especially because she got a child but he said he likes the child and things he would be very upset, especially because the child has been through a divorce already( the child's parents divorcing)

Do you think the room situation has brought up any worries you have about holidaying with your brother-in-law and his family? Thinking it might be awkward for you? Or do you worry about your own husband having second thoughts about your relationship but not telling you?

I don't see why letting her have room with the en suite is misleading her exactly, but I do sort of agree re the coin tossing thing. We had similar - trip with another family, one bedroom far nicer than the other (though no en suites!) and we tossed coin, won and I felt awful. On the next trip they booked it, got there first and just chose a room and there was no awkwardness. I think just let them have it and hold your head up high.

No Vivacia, didn't think about that slightly. In fact I'm really looking forward to it.
Not worried about husband either.

IMHO the ensuites are usually pokey dark cupboards, and just fill the bedroom with steam. I prefer a bedroom without one.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable about the married / unmarried thing.

But if you can insist that nobody uses your bathroom, as they have their own, then I think you have a better situation actually.

Depending on your sense of humour, all is not lost.
Its very important that you don't forget to walk naked through the apartment, after having loud screaming sex in the shower, flicking your towel at your DH, and leave the door open, talking to everyone, when you're going for a big, preferably stinky poo!! They might think differently about tossing a coin next time!!,

But, really, if you hate it, just never go on hols with them again..

And to everyone else going on about the brushes, and the tarring etc, the OP had said she's not an native English speaker, so no wonder her idioms are a bit askew.

I kind of get what you mean, you mean you are in an established, long term relationship married into the family yet your BIL is kind of messing this gf around and as a result you think you should get the nicer room as its a family holiday. i would probably feel the same way! I think once youre there the en suite bathroom wont come into it at all - have fun!

This is terrible behaviour from your in laws.

I'd ask for my money back - imagine, NOT having an en suite.

Erm - you ARE paying your share for this aren't you?

It is unlucky about there not being enough rooms with en-suite facilities so someone has to lose out but it's surely not worth falling out over?

Good idea to come on here, get it out then face the in-laws with a smile like you never gave it a second thought . If BIL breaks up with his gf the day you get home, so be it. If not it'll be your turn for that everything-in-unromantic-earshot bathroom next time.

In my experience the en-suite is often elbow -knocking small and poorly ventilated. You can shut yourself away in the spacious main bathroom as long as you like if everyone has their own facilities to use.