Ex went on a date

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

We have been separated for almost a year. He was abusive both physically and mentally. Basically a bastard.

So why oh why do I feel sick to my core about him going on a date?

I cried like a fecking baby when I found out. I've had nightmares all night about it, and I still feel like I want to cry.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Nothing's wrong with you, bound to sting, get on with your life now.

Good luck

Abusive relationships are often very intense, dependent and obsessive. Abusers/bullies succeed in creating an almost hypnotic, addictive state of mind in order to keep their victims under control. If there was a mantra for women who are the victim of a physically/emotionally abusive relationship it would be something like.... 'if only I was different, he'd love me'.

So there's nothing wrong with you. You've been traumatised and spellbound in equal measure by an abusive relationship and you've now experienced the emotional equivalent of a bucket of cold water. See it as part of the healing process and good luck

I think you've hit the nail on the head Cogito

I feel sick at the thought of seeing him being happy and loving with someone else, because then that will mean that it was me who was the reason for the abuse, and I really don't think I can deal with that.

I'm sure, to the casual observer, the early days of your relationship with him were 'happy and loving'. Maybe people were even mystified when you broke up? Maybe he gave the impression he was a 'great bloke'? A lot goes on behind closed doors. For all you know, with his date face nicely in position, he could be quietly working on his new victim, lulling her into a false sense of security before he starts treating her exactly the way he treated you. Poor cow, right?

The victim is never the reason for the abuse. They are just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It worries me that he will do the same thing to her, but it also worries me that if they have an argument he will come and take it out on me rather than do it to her.

I guess we did look happy from the outside

If you're worried that he'll attack you, are the police DV team aware of this man? Have you reported the physical abuse in the past? Something similar applies regarding his date's safety i.e. if she checked up on him would she find he had a record? More difficult to warn off a new girlfriend, however well-intentioned.

No they are not. Ive never made a report

There's nothing to stop you calling the 101 number and talking to the DV team now. Not to get him arrested or cautioned, just to have it on record that he's violent. That way if/when someone else complains about him, they can see there's a pattern.

Would they not involve social services though? I have a child with him.