What is wrong with me?

[mummytasha11]

I have posted previously me and my ex split up 4 months ago....I bumped into him in a nightclub at the weekend and ended up going back to his and sleeping with him...this isn't the first time since we split up then I feel awful for days after like I hate myself and he ignores me...
We had been together 10 years and he is the only person I have ever been with...

There's nothing essentially wrong with you. Everyone needs affection and if you add a boozy nightclub (?) into the mix, your judgement will be impaired..

However, you're setting yourself up to fail if you keep going to the same places where he is likely to hang out. 'Bumping into him' several times in four months is no coincidence and psychologists will tell you that 'accidental' is very often subconsciously deliberate.

No point weeping over the past, therefore. Every point in learning from your mistakes and making a better plan for a better future. Takes effort. Means making your life as new and as different as you can make it... going to places he would never be, making new friends, running with a different pack, moving house if necessary... and dropping all contact. Get friends involved and telling them to keep you well away from old haunts. Second it means filling your new life with as much as you can possibly cram into it. All those spaces left where he used to be need to be patched up and repaired. Finally it means working hard on your self-esteem and self-respect. Shagging an old flame who then treats you like yesterday's chips the next day is a) no challenge and b) not the best you can do..... Tell yourself you deserve better.

Good luck

It's hard to wean yourself off someone you've been with that long if you're bumping into him. Out of sight out of mind and all that.

Agree with everything Cogito said. Very well put & true!

Try not to beat yourself up over it either, that helps make the whole thing a lot easier !

Thanks for your advice...I just want to get over him and quick! Sick of feeling like this

'Quick' is ambitious, unrealistic and why you're in the pickle you're in :) Prepare yourself for a fairly long process where you cycle in and out of 'I'm well rid' and 'he wasn't so bad' so that, when you hit those low moments, you don't track him down in a night club and do something you regret. On your good days, do something to make your new life richer and better than before. Getting over someone is a case of two steps forward and one step back... be aware of that and plan accordingly.