...And that's after divorcing xh, who I attributed a lot of problems too ( his cannabis use, harshness to me whilst pregnant and our recently diagnosed autistic son, disturbing things from his past and his temper, harsh to me while pregnant, hated my hormones, cultural differences). Divorce was finalised five months ago.
Am off sick, again, from full time work, with another depression episode. Xh sees dc for a few hours on a weekend, gives minimal child support and blames me for wrecking his life. Keeps threatening to go back to home country and cut off dcs.
I will have to just get on with this. But I am so lonely. I do have friends, but they have lives and partners. I love my dc, they are very demanding too! I have put on four stone, don't have the feeling of attractiveness anymore and am very sad, generally. Have felt suicidal but would never ever do that to my children. When my lovely parents have the dcs (3 and 5) for an evening/ night, as today, I sit here listening to music, or have some wine, and just feel steeped in unhappiness. I have joined a gym but illness and medication changes have kept me away a bit in the last week or two.
Please can someone tell me that they have been here and there is a way out. I am late thirties and was married once before to a lovely guy but we were together at twenty and soon after married at 25 we ran out of things to talk about, it was really sad. I feel like I have made so many mistakes and no one will want me. So what do I have to offer to friends.? I can be a laugh, used to be a bit quirky and flirty, it's all gone. Sorry this sounds so self indulgent, but I can't stop the tears at the moment. How do I change my situation?
Thanks.