I'm sorry, this is an epic, and it sounds like something in a teen mag problem page but I don't know what to do...I've also namechanged in case my sister is reading this!!
I've been divorced for four years since my ratbag ex walked out. Nothing since then but the occasional random fling. I'm definitely ready for something a little more meaningful.
I have a good male friend, who I have known for years. I was good friends with his wife at university - she died in a car crash about three years ago - and he, she, my ex and I were all part of a large group of friends who spent a lot of time together, and who still do (not the ex, he's not around). Those relationships are really important to me - I would not want to do anything to put that at risk or create a situation that would make anyone feel uncomfortable.
Over the last 18 months, he and I have been spending increasingly large amounts of time together. We are both very into music, and go to a lot of gigs together. We also both love mountain biking, and there's no one else I know who really is interested, so we tend to do it together at the weekend.
My sister is convinced that he is interested in me - I got an email a while ago from him suggesting that we go on a mountain biking holiday in Sardinia this summer at Easter while my dcs were with their dad. I'd vaguely mentioned I was thinking about doing something like this a couple of months ago, but hadn't made any plans - this was his idea. I couldn't do the week he suggested because of work commitments, but we've agreed to go this summer.
We never say goodbye to each other without making plans for when we are next going to see each other. My dsis says he is also shy (which is true) and would be worried about my reaction if he made a move and I didn't want him to. She doesn't believe in the idea that men and women can just be friends, and she is convinced that if he is this keen to spend time with me, he has an ulterior motive. She is, however, not the most reliable judge of character and does get a bit overexcited about things like this. I also think if he was interested, he'd be getting in touch more often - texts, emails etc. - he doesn't really unless it's to arrange a get together.
So I have no idea how he feels and think the whole holiday thing could well just be him thinking it would be fun and we'd have a good time (which it will be and we will).
However, I think I am starting to fall for him. I know him well, and I really really like him - we never run out of things to say and we get on brilliantly. He's gentle, and funny, and kind and not terribly confident. But I can't bring myself to make the first move. It's just not me. I haven't had a date in 20 years (I told you it was like being 15 again). I also feel that my friendship with his wife, who I loved, gets in the way, as does the close knit nature of our friendship group. I would hate to ruin our friendship as I really value it and love the time we spend together.
I do think it's perfectly possible to have a close platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex - I have several. But this does feel different - more intimate and more special. But I certainly don't feel 100% sure that I want a relationship with him.
My sister is convinced that I should a) make a move while we are on holiday, b) have a fling and c) see what happens. Her view is why not, and that if I wait for him to do something I will wait forever.
I'm probably over thinking this. Can someone shake some sense into me? Even if it's a resounding "he's just not that into you..." then at least I can stop thinking about it.