From bad to worse!

[nancysgirl]

Just an update-need to get it out of my system!!!!

DH rang at work yesterday to say did I mind if he went out last night. I did a bit as we had planned a quiet night in, but said no, fine. Then he tells me it is with the crowd from his previous work,where the woman he had an affair with is still working, and he will be staying overnight. Not only this, but at the same mates' house he always used to tell me he was when he was with her. I then began to object and said I didn't mind him going out providing he came back that night. He went mad and said there was no point then and he wouldn't go and put the phone down.

When I got home he was in a foul mood, refused to speak to me so I went to a friends house. Didn't stir when I got in, and carried on the same this morning. I went mad and told him he was stropping cos he couldn't have his way and to grow up. He said I never "let him go anywhere" (see previous postings for confirmation that this is NOT true!!) and that I don't love him. I refused to talk about it after that, other than to say that compromises have to be made in relationships and that I do it all the time so I didn't see why he couldn't for once. He was also going to be out all day today and tonight aswell with his sporty stuff.

Anyway, we were civil enough and then he went out, but amjust wondering how long he will keep it up for and what the hell can I do about it? Have told him that I am not going to be treated like that again, but not sure how to follow through!!

Nancysgirl - Don't really knoww aht to say about this!
I know there are 2 sides to every story but i completely understand where you are coming from and i would've reacted exactly the same.

I haven't read your other posts so don't know your situation - but your DH must understand that if he was just going out with mates that would be fine but too many things are similar to when he had an affair and you aren't comfortable with it - surely if he is sorry about the affair and you are trying to patch things up he would understand this!

I am probably not the best person to get advise from as i am terrible at letting arguements go and forgiving & forgetting - therefore my advise would probably be a bit extreme!

Anyway, wanted to bring thsi up to the top of the pile as i noticed you posted on Saturday when things are usually quite quiet around here!

Could you have a chat with him now things have calmed down a bit and explain why you were upset? TBH if he can't get it he's an insensitive prick. Not much help, sorry.

nancysgirl I haven't read your other posts either but it sounds to me like he thinks of you as his mother not his wife!

Did he say why it would not be worth going out if he had to come home? That sounds illogical to me. Why could he not have got a cab home late if he wanted to stay out late? I think you were right to be suspicious.

I'd be suspicious tbh. very. sorry.

Hi everyone

I'm glad some of you are suspiciuos too-sounds silly but I wonder sometimes if I am being irrational?

He said he didn't want to go out if he couldn't drink and a cab would have been too expensive. Not very believable really.

Furthermore, he then rang while he was out Sat night to say he would be staying out that night in London with another friend-he was down that way anyway for sporting fixture. I laughed cos it was so predictable i.e if I couldn't get my way last night then I sure am tonight. He rang on his mobile from pub "with friend" but I couldn't hear any pub noise in background, just loud music, same as a CD he has in the car. When I said I couldn't hear him, the music just suddenly stopped, like he'd turned it down.
I didn't really believe he was there at all so said would he ring me from the landline when they got in-he said it would be too late but he would do so in the morning.
and guess what? He didn't!!! Instead got back home at 9.30,(2 hou drive from where we "mate" lives) which means he must have been up at 7ish. Didn't ring me cos it would have been "too early"!!
Incedentally-fancy piece lives half an hour away. I had decided to ring mate anyway, but didn't manage to do it before he got back.
I strongly suspect he was with "her" which explains the lack of pub noise, the lack of calls from mates house, the early return next day(as he was probably only down the road)

Have I mentioned too that he never wants to make love either? Can't say I'm that keen either at the moment, but he would be normally-well certainly before all this started, and that's going back a year now

Doesn't look good does it? So what now?? I just wish I could find out the truth somehow. Not knowing is driving me mad.

If he had been going to see this woman I would have expected him to make up a cock and bull story about him going out with the guys he now works with to avoid any suspicions being raised about the possibility of him seeing this woman again. However, as he has openly said he is meeting his old work mates it could genuinely have been an innocent evening. However, I would keep a low profile and just keep checking petrol receipts, visa bills, text messages etc etc just to be sure. You obviously do have your suspicions and I feel (from previous experience) it is best to let him believe you accept his version of events otherwise he might start deleting info you need if he thinks you're on to him. I dont think this is a situation where you can let it rest without doing some digging to give you peace of mind.