Fuck feel like I've just had a bomb dropped on my head please help me

[Iamreeling]

When I was with my abusive ex-h, towards the end of the relationship he quit his job, took out loans left right and centre and decided that he was going to make a fortune by selling very personal photos of me on the internet. The photos were very graphic and he also wanted me to take it further by working on a webcam to make him money. I did it once (which was horrendous) and refused to do it again and was completely humiliated, sickened and horrified by the whole experience.

It was this, combined with the escalation of the abuse and the growing fascination that he had with putting his hands around my throat during sex that made me realise just how sick he really was. I left him when our dc was 5 and have had no contact with him in 7 years as we arrange dc contact through a third party. When I left him he threatened to destroy me and take our dc by using the photos as evidence that I was a whore and a bad mother and putting them everywhere on the internet. I called his bluff and told him that I would tell everyone what he did and as it turned out he didn't do anything public to my knowledge. I have always feared what happened to the photos since as he had copies of them all and had contacted a couple of websites that he had put them on originally and had them removed, which they did.

I now work as a health worker (sorry to be vague) and have my own website and blog and tonight someone has posted a comment on one of my posts "How do you reconcile your career as a HW with your past as a porn star?".

What the fuck do I do? My head is reeling, I have deleted the comment and stopped comments on all the blog posts but I don't have any way of knowing if it is him, one of his mates, or if he really did put them on porn sites and someone has somehow recognised me? I look really different to how I did then, so I am scared this is someone who knows me? I feel like I'm going to pass out, please help me.

I have told DH some of what happened, as I was worried that it would be used to blackmail me, but I can't understand why ex would do that after all this time. I don't know which is scarier, it being him or it not being him.

Can I contact the police? Is that ridiculous? How do I deal with this?

Its not right that your DD walks on eggshells and feels like that. It sounds like she feels fear, to some degree, when she's with your Ex. Can you get some advice from some professional, she is just entering such a vulnerable stage of life as a teenager. I don't have enough experience to know who the professional would be. Social worker?

Refer her to school counsellor pastoral care or go via gp. . Watch out for other signs of her distress eg self harm etc .

The thing is, the anger and attitude when she gets back has been going on for a long time, but until she said what she said I didn't realise that she was walking on eggshells around him. When she started in Yr 7 she scratched her wrist with a compass, for no reason as we thought at the time. I spoke to her, the school spoke to her and they have been keeping an eye on her since but have had no more incidents.

I feel stupid for not even thinking that he was messing with her head. He hates women but I thought he wouldn't do that to her as she is his daughter. He's always been very close to her. She is learning that she has to keep the peace and appease him and to stop her learning that pattern was my main reason for leaving. I know how important these years are and I am scared she will end up making similar mistakes to me as that is 'familiar' to her.

But she loves him and he has always had her on a pedestal and treats her like a little girl. I can't just stop her seeing him without her hating me, and I don't want to cause him to start kicking off again but how can I let it carry on? I need to protect her but even I found it hard to articulate why he used to upset and disturb me so much so I understand that she is uneasy without understanding why.

If I have any more comments or hassle I may contact the police.

Does your website log the IPs (the internet addresses) from which comments are sent? And yes, I think you should set firm barriers against your abusive ex.

Also, I would suggest getting some counselling for your daughter. He is abusing her. She needs someone outside the family she can safely talk to.

(I don't mean to say that she can't talk to you, but you are involved in the situation, and she probably thinks she mustn't take sides or something like that. An objective third party who is not involved is such a relief sometimes).

What a dreadful man.

Set your blog so that no one can post without you moderating. Take a screen shot. Do you know enough about IT to collect data of the IP address its from and screen shot that? Any details.
Facebook- can anyone post? Lots of companies have this problem ESP when trying to control bad customer feedback, so just delete it. People will think he's a spammer anyway.

And go to the police. Tell them what happened and say you think it will escalated . They take a very dim view of cyber bullying. They will tell you what to do.

Make sure your it security is fantastic so he can't get access to your pc if he is techy minded. And tell ss as they may have advice on his contact with your dd, if this is happening to you. Make sure if she has a mobile you check it so he can't text her or send her links.

I wouldn't tell work. It's no ones business and all in the past. You could mention you are being cyber bullied by your ex and might be a bit tense.

My ex emotionally abuses my DDs, particularly the eldest who is 15. We have reached the point where I am honest with her about who her dad is, I don't bother pretending he's her fab dad and doing the don't bad mouth your ex thing. I have lived through and dealt with much of what she is now experiencing and she needs my support rather than me pretending he isn't like that. Their relationship deteriorated so much that she didn't see him for over two months and now only sees him one night a fortnight, which is sometimes something of an ordeal.

You need to step in to protect your daughter from him.

is your dd a good reader? Could you give her a copy of Lundy's book and let her make her own mind up?

OP, between you and me (haha) I used to do a job I would be devasted if people knew about

I have NO SHAME, seriously. hold that head up high

I bet its him, investigate and maybe consider reducing acess to your DC xxxxxxxxxx

in fact, if he is abusive, consider NO contact

sorry, its shit xxxx