Do men like this really exist?

[CorrStagnitto]

So i'm a namey name changer regular and just want to get a few things straight in my head and some advice, heres goes, sorry if this is long

after 20 years of swinging from one bad relationship to another then being single (by choice) for the last 6 years ive meet someone who really seems to good to be true and i just need a bit of perspective here

we met on the tinternet, after a few messages we decided to met for coffee, i thought nothing much of it as i had been on a few coffee dates at this point, so went in not expecting anything much to come of it

as soon as i met him there was chemistry between us, he was shy and polite, and conversation flowed easily, he had a nice ora and i had a good feeling about him

we went out a few more times and then he came to my house and brought me flowers, took me out to dinner, didnt overstay his welcome, went home without even trying it on or hinting to stay (just some nice kissing going on)

fast forward a couple of months and things have developed into full blown smitteness, ive meet his children, he has introduced me to his family, he cooks for me, showers me with affection, does thoughtful little things like booking tickets to see my favorite singer to buying me my my favortie tea bags for when i stay at his, he texts me every morning and rings me every night, he jumps at the chance to see me if im free or if i ask him to come over, he tells me he loves me at least once a day, he makes plans for doing stuff in the future, there isnt anything i dont like about him, he hasnt annoyed me once yet (very rare for me) we dont argue, he never plays it cool, always returns messages, always turns up when he says he will, hes just so uncomplicated and easy to love

so i now feel like im waiting for some bubble to burst, ive only ever been out with twats who play games and fuck with your head, is he too good to be true? does he sound to good to be true to you? i feel like im being blinded at the moment, i cant stop myself from falling head over heels and its a bit fucking scary

i need you to tell me if you spot any red flags here? because i think i might miss them even if they wacked me over the head right now, love is blind and all that.

soz for waffling

He sounds great. My dp is similar although without the flowers lol. I am always looking for the bubble to burst.

We have been together nearly a year now,lived together for 6 months. I met his kids very early on (not my choice) and due to his shifts I do a significant amount of parenting but that is my choice. We areexpecting our own baby on august and no bursting of bubbles yet.

There really are.nice guys out there

do you already have children OP? is his snip likely to be an issue for you in the long term?

waaaa slow down badinage, i havent probed that deeply into his financial arrangements with his ex, he says he pays the amount that csa says he should pay, and declares all overtime and stuff to them, and also pays for other suff like school trips, meals/days out, thats all i know so far, he doesnt have much involvement with me when he has them, apart from the odd night out when his mum babysits, and ive met them a few time when he has invited me out for tea with them etc, ive never stayed over when they have been there, i do know they seem to be well behaved children so i guess thats a good sign right?

He split with his ex gf in 2011, has had a couple of non serious dates since then, seems to be very sensible and well ajust, abet a little smitted with me but who can blame him

i not seeing him as some kind of superhero, if i was i wouldnt be worrying about him seeming too good to be true and i wouldnt have written this thread

i have grownup children and a grandchild, im not looking to have any more

Ok. He sounds perfect then.

im not as old as that makes me sound btw, started very young

he is the same age as me

Ah well it just depends what's important to you and your life experience. I was saying on a thread recently that in the hopefully unlikely event that I'd be single again and looking for another bloke, one of the things I'd have to know before allowing my feelings to get too strong would be whether he considered himself as responsible for his kids' upbringing as their mother; in time, money and attitude. But this is because I'm constantly exposed to the juxtaposition of being married to a normal, decent bloke who's always taken parenting as seriously as me - and the kids I help at work whose dads do not.

awwww its lovely. Relax and enjoy it.
the fact youve had shitty relationships in the past at least makes you appreciate a good one when it comes along so much more x

i can safely say he is a responsible parent, if i asked him whether he thought himself just as reponsible as their mother, or takes his parenting as seriously as she does i can guess his answer, so theres no need for me to ask

having spend 20 years as a single parent i can tell when someone is taking responsibility for their childen and he does, its the one thing i am sure about

Just adding in yes it's totally normal for him not to be interested in your past relationships - I don't many know many male partners who know anything about their DPs relationship history, but most of my female friends know every in and out of their DPs past.

DH categorically told me early on that he didn't want to know, it made no difference to our present. We have since discussed unpleasant times in my life, and I would count an abusive relationship as that, but I think you opening up about that would be more sharing something you need to be open about because it's scary and you need him to understand sometimes why you might back off, rather than warts and all retelling of your sexual exploits...

He sounds totally nice - my DH was just like that when we first met (still nice now, 25 years later but perhaps not quite so devoted !!). I agree it is totally normal not to ask about previous relationships - I think it is the mature thing not to dig and delve into someone's past history.

'but I think you opening up about that would be more sharing something you need to be open about because it's scary and you need him to understand sometimes why you might back off, rather than warts and all retelling of your sexual exploits'

you are spot on

Well of course he would if you asked him that question. What I'm saying though is that for me I'd have to know and that would mean finding out if he's paying enough for his kids in terms of what they actually cost and finding out whether he spends enough time with them on their own and takes as much interest in their daily lives as a parent should i.e. knows their teachers' names, their friends' names, takes their friends out, knows their friends' parents - all the stuff that people take for granted that mums will do.

He might be a really good bloke and the honesty, the lack of game-playing and the thoughtfulness all point to that. All I'm saying is don't have lower standards in terms of single parenting than you'd have for a woman or a mother.

he sounds lovely.

and yes there are lovely men just as there are lovely women. no-one, but no-one is flawless. we all do things we regret later in life and we hope to do differently next time. so even if there are rows between you, if on the whole he is lovely and continues this behaviour then i'd say you have a keeper. just beware that the way he talks of his ex is biased and you will never know the full extent of their relationship as there are 3 sides to every story. his side, her side and the whole story. beware of the blameless man

i shall ask for a breakdown of all his parenting costs shall i? i dont think so lol

its been 2 months, i have no right to quizz him about what he spends on his children, i would be telling him to bog off if he asked me to provide a financial breakdown of my costs , he has told me that a percentage of his earnings goes to the csa, he gave this information up freely without me asking, ill have to take his word for it that it is a fair amount

'knows their teachers' names, their friends' names, takes their friends out, knows their friends' parents ' - yup, he knows all this stuff, he goes to parents evenings (sometimes on his own) has their friends over for playdates, takes his children on holiday once a year (last year was center parcs, year before was flamingo land) he also gave this information up freely without me asking because he talks about his children alot

like i said, i have no issues with this side of his life, its just the falling head over heels in love with me and being a (seemingly) genuinely nice guy thats scaring the shit outta me!

I think you can know all you want and hear all you want, at the end of the day it is scary and this is all to do with you and not him - enjoy and don't put too much pressure on yourself let alone him and the relationship, only you know your own full story.

Yay for you

No I wouldn't ask for a financial breakdown after only 2 months either. But then again after 2 months I'd know that this was just the infatuation stage and that properly falling 'in love' would only happen once we'd got to know one another better. I leave as I came into this thread really. I personally wouldn't be even talking about 'love' until I knew someone (and these days, their parenting) well enough to love. But that's just me and you did ask for opinions.

I think they do. I know at least half a dozen happily married couples. A friend of mine met a guy (with three kids, no less) online less than two years ago. He's great and they are getting married in August. Maybe there's hope for us all. Wish you all the best.