the wise women of MN (and men).
It's about DH's best friend. I'm concerned for him, but don't know if I'm in a position to do anything really.
Basically, he is engaged (and has been with his fiancee for abour 4 years now, let's call him A) but it doesn't seem to be the healthiest of relationships. She's very controlling. Things like, she's decided on all the decor for their flat, where they should buy, she and her mother chose their wedding venue in addition to more worrying stuff. There's a whole group of these guys who have been friends for around 15/20 years (let's say in addition to A, B - my DH - C and D).
C got married last year and A was supposed to be his best man. C's wife (let's call her E) and the fiancee generally got on well until the fiancee found out that A had had a (largely physical) fling a few years before he met her with E's best friend (but it was over before they met, and had been for a while). The fiancee then went a bit crazy over this, making them back out out of going to C's 30th Birthday a week before it was supposed to happen, and then it all came to a head a month before C and E's wedding, as the fiancee said she wouldn't go if E's best friend would be there (E insisted that she would be, as well, she's her best friend, and actually she did go, with her boyfriend). So, A and his fiancee didn't go to the wedding and he hasn't spoken to C and E since (it was nearly a year ago).
Fiancee had always been reluctant about marriage (her parents had a horrible divorce when she was young) and said that A choosing her over C and E showed her that he was committed, and now she was happy to marry him. A bizarre rationale (IMO) to marry someone, but what the hell.
Then we found out that he no longer really sees his old friends who live in the same city as them, just the friends he and his fiancee have in common, and her friends.
Now with the wedding planning and the added stress, it's all coming to a head. The wedding is largely being arranged by fiancee and her DM (normal enough) but with very little consideration for A's family. The location is a bit remote and complicated, so none of A's grandparents can attend. She's said that they can't invite all of his family members. At this point, no doubt, you're thinking like I am that he should really just stand up for himself (and DH has told him as much as well) but he says he's terrified she'll call off the wedding if he does, and he really loves her.
Now, DH and another friend (D) were supposed to be the best men, until D had a falling out with the fiancee over the hen/stag weekend (where it should be, whether or not there should be one) which escalated into emails going back and forth, numerous phone calls and a very long, very rude email from the finacee to D basically saying he was an awful person, and she's right, so he should just back off, say sorry, and let her get her way. He refused, so now he's no longer a best man and he and A aren't speaking any more.
I'm concerned for A - he is SUCH an awesome guy, seriously, and he's kind of being consumed by this relationship. She's isolating (whether or not it is deliberate, I'm not sure) him from his friends and family, getting into these huge fights with people and then making him choose between them and her (and he alwasy chooses her). I've told DH to be very VERY careful because at this stage I wonder if she's going to go after him next, having caused such big falling outs between A and his two other closest friends.
Congratulations if you get all the way to the ending, and if you can give any advice? Mine to him (but I'm not really in a position to do so) is either stand up to her or dump her, but I don't see that happening.