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Original poster

fledgling relationship- is this what people do?

51 replies

twentypairs · 18/05/2013 15:24

I had a third date with this guy last night, he mentioned he was going out in the week so i told him i was going out with work friends on friday. He asks if he is invited.
So i say he can come along if he wants and we chat about it on and off throughout the evening.
I dont know if he meant it or if i will see him again. But that aside, is this what people do so early on?
To me, and being something of a committment phobe its quite scary and a bit ' coupley' when no conversation about whats happening has happened. And then all my work people will have met him etc....
But it could just be that this is how these things develop?

I dont know?

OP posts:
Original poster
twentypairs · 18/05/2013 16:55

White- hurrah, someone that thinks the same as me :)

Thats my train of thought, but i dont like to committ for months and months ( about 6)

Which isnt great of me i dont think. Other people seem a lot more casual about this kind of thing.

OP posts:
Teapot13 · 18/05/2013 17:00

I think he's been a bit forward to invite himself but assume for now it's just because he likes you. I would keep him separate from work for now (just good hygiene) but do it in a way that doesn't make him feel rejected.
Like say you'd rather do X (movie, dinner) with him on another night.

Numberlock · 18/05/2013 17:12

After two or three dates and you're already meeting everyone? Seems far too early, just relax a little and let it develop naturally. What's the rush?

Thurlow · 18/05/2013 17:15

Red flag?! Bloody hell...

I agree with teapot. I don't think that sounds remotely controlling or dominating, just possibly a little forward.

Most of my friends' new bf/gf's I've met at casual drinks like that, rather than it being made a big thing of.

Numberlock · 18/05/2013 17:21

After 2/3 dates? Smacks of not being able to cope without the other person or not wanting them to have any separate friends or interests.

OP - you have to think if you'd be setting a precedent and he'd want to tag along to every work do, friends nights out, family do.

Original poster
twentypairs · 18/05/2013 17:23

Numberlock, yesterday was the third date, that has been spread out over 6 weeks. It doesnt smack of anything.

OP posts:
IslaValargeone · 18/05/2013 17:26

Someone will come along in a minute and say 'leave the bastard' Hmm

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning · 18/05/2013 17:27

You don't need anyone else to agree its too early, of you think it is, then it is.

Original poster
twentypairs · 18/05/2013 17:29

It is baffling how some posters like to read stuff into stuff which isnt there.

Its all relative, i might not see him again anyway..... and if i do and it does turn into a relationship, at somepoint we will be hanging out with frirnds and family. Its what people do.

OP posts:
joblot · 18/05/2013 17:29

Way too early to meet friends, I would be uneasy with it, it makes a statement that you're in a relationship, which may or may not happen with time.

Or are you smitten and want to take him? You don't give that impression

Original poster
twentypairs · 18/05/2013 17:30

Personally i like teapots idea, it is too early for me.but if i say we can do something else instead :)

OP posts:
Original poster
twentypairs · 18/05/2013 17:33

Jobot, no smitten, its been 3 dates.... id be insane if i were smitten after meeting someone 3 times.

I like hanging out with him and fancy him. Thats as far as i have got. I have no idea if i even want a relationship with him yet.

OP posts:
Numberlock · 18/05/2013 17:33

So why are you asking if you're perfectly happy with it?

Original poster
twentypairs · 18/05/2013 17:38

Because im a bit of a committment phobe. I know this.
Other people seem to go with the flow of these things a lot easier. All my rl friends just laughed and say that yes, bring him, its not a big deal.

To me it kind of is. But at some point you have to be open and stop looking for red flags where there are none.... or trying to make sure its all in place before you move forward..life isnt like that.

OP posts:
joblot · 18/05/2013 17:45

I'd be worried people would assume you're together and then ask about/invite him to other stuff. If its a first work do for you I'd be carefulof setting a precedent you aren't ok with

Numberlock · 18/05/2013 17:46

It would be to me but I don't consider myself a commitment phobe.

Original poster
twentypairs · 18/05/2013 17:59

Its not a first work do either. They kind of happen weekly. Lol. As i said, everyone is quite young so they all go out a lot.

OP posts:
simplesusan · 18/05/2013 18:10

It seems very forward to me.

He is happy to go out alone, yet has asked if he can but in on your night out. I don't like the sound of it but if you want hiom there then go ahead. Just tread carefully with him.

Original poster
twentypairs · 18/05/2013 18:38

Im very sorry, but i do not understand why some posters are saying this is red flag behaviour and i need to be careful with him.

During the course of the night, i had said to him we should do a few things, he said we should do x, y and z. That isnt red flag behaviour either.
When you meet someone you have to arrange actuallly doing things with each other and fitting in with each others lives, thats all this is.

It might have been forward to ask, but i like people with balls, like i said i had invited myself to his last night.

OP posts:
Numberlock · 18/05/2013 19:24

You've asked for opinions and you've got them.

Completely agree that you need to make time to do things together but personally I would be cautious of anyone who asked to come to my work do after only 3 dates.

You're obviously fine with it so it's all good, no?

Original poster
twentypairs · 18/05/2013 19:37

Im not fine with it, else i wouldnt have posted on here, but its not about him being controlling by asking, and me needing to tread carefully, but just because it feels too soon for me.

OP posts:
Numberlock · 18/05/2013 19:43

That's your opinion based on 3 meetings. Hopefully you're right, it would still make me cautious.

Original poster
twentypairs · 18/05/2013 19:50

and you havent met him at all, so why all the jumping up and down??

OP posts:
Numberlock · 18/05/2013 19:59

Who's jumping up and down? I'm expressing my opinion, it's clearly a touchy subject for you?

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 18/05/2013 20:11

Nah, I don't think it's a red flag. Perhaps a little early in the (potential) relationship but hey, if you don't ask, you don't get. If you don't feel comfortable about it, do something else with him another night....but I'd take it as a compliment anyhow. :)

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