Hello,
I'm a regular lurker but have registered to get some advice, if possible...
Really not sure about my situation. I'll keep it brief and not too detailed so as not to out myself. I've got three children, separated (and consequently divorced) from their Dad 4.5 years ago. Met someone new a year after we'd separated. Was fairly casual at first but gradually got more serious and he met my children and started spending more time with us.
After 2 and a bit years he moved in with me and my children. I own my own house (mortgage free, very lucky I know) as does he but he has a mortgage. Plan was to rent his place out. 17 months later it's still not ready to be rented out (needed lots of work doing to be fair, but he insisted on doing this all himself and blames the fact that I haven't 'let' him spend enough time there as a reason for it still not being finished).
So when he moved in, he said he could afford to give me £50 / month towards bills, which would go up when his place had a rental income. We started off sharing the food shopping and sorting out receipts at the end of the month, but this turned into a nit picking exercise with him saying he'd pay half for things for 'us' but not the children. I.e. cereal, crisps, toilet roll that apparently we used way more of than him. So for a few months I ended up 'paying' him.
My financial situation was that as a single parent of 3 children under 7, I was on Income Support and tax credits. This obviously changed when he moved in and I eventually got a (minimum wage) part time job after months of looking, to go some way to making up the shortfall. About 6 months ago I sat him down and said that financially I was struggling and needed more help from him, so he upped his bill contribution to £100 and became more flexible about the food shopping. But this has led to us still sharing the food shopping but not going through it at the end of the month, and I feel that I do spend more (I buy 95% of food for the kids and household items, plus a fair proportion of things for 'us'.) His £100 hasn't always been forthcoming though, there have been times when he hasn't been able to afford it at all.
I've tried to talk finances with him again and he says he buys way more than half the food shopping, can't afford to put any more money into the household pot until his place is rented out and that's that really.
My friends say I'm being a mug but I just don't know - in his defence he doesn't earn masses, is still paying the mortgage there and has spent quite a bit doing it up. But I feel like I've let him into our home, which he's enjoying all the comforts of without actually contributing in the way I'd like him to (housework is another issue...)
Please give me some opinions one way or another!