My parents split after 12 years of marriage, when I was 12 years old. There had been lots of problems, which culminated in my DF having an emotional affair. They were apart for a few months, and then got back together. That was 15 years ago.
However, my dad wouldn't entertain counselling, which meant that all the same problems just kept cropping up - they still do, however, my mum was devastated by the split and is terrified of it happening again, and the financial and emotional costs that would come with it. At 47 she considers herself past it, and is worried that if she did stand up to his behaviour after all this time, that he would leave without a backwards glance.
She said the same as you, mosschops, that she was 'no angel' so considers the treatment that she receives from my dad sometimes (sulking with very infrequent violent outbursts on inanimate objects eg throw a plate, stonewalling) as a situation that is to be tolerated as she loves him so much.
I love my dad, but I can recognise that their relationship is not good at all, and that's down to him failing to address his issues. When my parents told me they were getting back together all those years ago, I remember asking them "is that such a good idea?" Because I didn't want to live in a situation like we had before, and that's what played out. Thankfully, I haven't settled into the same pattern and have a DH who would never treat me like that.
Having said all that, sorry it's so long btw, if your DH is willing to go to counselling, then I would give it a shot. Good luck!