Why wont he commit?!

[Muuuuuuumcanihave]

Been with dp 3yrs one ds. I have my house he has his, he has just recently handed his notice in on his house to get somewhere smaller. He stops at mine sometimes for weeks at a time. So i suggested moving in together i was even willing to give up my home and move to his area. Anyway he said we would take about it, i tried and he realy wasnt interested so i left it thinking maybe hes tired (long day at work). Anyway tried again still no interest so this morning i told him to bollocks and thtat our relationship is a joke and its over. Im a fed up of false promises, im in theroy a single mum so i might as well be one in practical.

Sounds like you've done exactly the right thing. Well done for standing up for yourself and for what you need!

Don't let him waste anymore of your time.

is this the first time you've talked about moving in?

i think from what you have said, he has no intention of moving in so perhaps it is better to walk away

Is your dp your ds's father Muuuum?
(Sorry I couldn't understand from OP )

He realy pisses me off, theres couples younger than us been together less time that are sharing a home. Im not even that upset tbh i am for my ds as it would have been nice to have 2parents in a family home. He also blames me for him not wanting to live with me as im a mardy cow, (i do admit i am at times but ds dosent and never has slept well making me tired).

Yes hes ds dad, although he doesnt bath him change nappies fed him put him to bed.

No we have talked about it a few times but he always starts an argument n blames me as to why he wont move in, rather than being honest and saying im an immature prick that wants to string you along and play mummys and daddys when i can be arsed

How convenient for him, a cosy family life with you and a bachelor life away from you. I suggest you go no contact apart from dc arrangements - no sex, meals, chats etc. and he can take dc to his. That way it's easier for you to move on and find a man who wants a grown up relationship.

Thats my plan tall although im deffo off relationships for a long time if not forever

How involved are you in his life? Do you and your DS ever visit him? even for just days out in his area or to see his family and friends? Does he contribute financially in any way to your DS or to your house hold during these week long stays?

The fact he is uninterested and dismissive about moving in with you and becoming a proper family unit is very odd to me given that he has chosen to have a child with you.

I know plenty of couples choose to live separately however this is a joint decision which is they key thing he is not including you in the decision making process which IMHO in a big problem.

If you think nothing will ever change then you are right to end the relationship, you deserve to have someone who is fully committed to you and just as importantly wants the sane kind of relationship you do.

We are very involved visit them most days even without dp. We go out for his familys bday n other occasions. He normally rings a few times a day just to chat about stuff we do get on most of the time but we i ask if we can go abit futher ie moving in he causes a row pisses off with the face on and totally cuts me off apart from contact regarding ds, he then leaves it a week maybe 2 then calls me to sort stuff out we do everythings rosie and then it goes tits up. He makes all the right noises but when push comes to shuv he fucks off

I don't know why he won't commit, but if he doesn't want to all that will happen with you trying to get him to is that he'll lose all respect for you (if indeed he has any already) and you'll lose all respect for yourself.

The best way to handle a commitment phobe is to give them all the space they desire and concentrate on your life without them in it. They'll either see what they're missing and come round, or both of you will realise that you're actually happier not being together all that often, or even at all.

So what is the current situation? Been with my partner two years . I am divorced with two children. He stays at mine Thursday to Sunday and at least one day early part of the week. He is very affectionate and very good around the house and with my children.He gave me a key to his flat about a year ago and I gave him the keys to mine 6 months ago. like you I want a partner that is committed to sharing a home. he has not brought it up. So I am keen to see hoe you resolve your situation. We are both late 30,s

Why won't he commit? Old saying "you don't buy the cow when you are getting the milk for free" why would he commit? You don't live together, you've had his child, what has to change in his life? He has his space, you get all the day to day grind and oblige his needs when he feel like a bit of the other.

Take a look at where you are, then think where you want to be.

This is an old thread, but worth resurrecting for katie I think. Why haven't you brought up the subject Katie? I would. Just say, "Look, you're practically living here already, why don't we make it official". If he runs a mile, you have an answer of sorts.

One thing I have learned from my past relationships is that whatever the discomfort that it caused by being direct about things that bother you, it is far, far better than suffering the long-term uncertainty of second-guessing the other person only to find it was a complete waste of time. If he doesn't want to commit to you, better to find out now, move on and give yourself the opportunity to find someone who does.

Thank you ladies,My children are from my previous marriage not his. I have not brought the subject up recently because I gave myself a year to review the situation.about a year ago I made a decision to move to another city 2 hours away. He did not want to move to that area. At the time we had been together for a year and I for whatever reason thought he would just move too. Well it turned out that,he came up every weekend instead.A few months of this he decided out of the blue to break up with because he thought we wanted different things.we got back a week later.i have since moved back to my old hometown and job.i am now sure of what I want